Fitzy's Thanksgiving Appetizer

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Happy Thanksgiving folks! It's time get the Fitzy Thanksgiving feast started.

The appetizer is going to taste a little funky this year because we're getting served two of the most difficult teams to figure out. 

Mark Sanchez makes another Thanksgiving day start and you have to believe the Sanchize is brined up to be more of the 2014 Thanksgiving Mark than the 2012 tush fumble Thanksgiving Mark. As improved as the Lions defense has been over the past two games, and as crappy as this Chip Kelly offense has been all year, I still have to give the nod to the uptempo offense on this short week. DeMarco Murray is no stranger to Thanksgiving course, and with Matthews out he'll have a full plate of carries, so expect the former Cowboy to stuff a few in that familiar Thanksgiving end zone today. 

The Lions offense hasn't been anything to brag about during the past two weeks but Megatron and Stafford should have no trouble getting some points on the scoreboard against a sketchy Eagles' defense. Coming off his first game in forever with decent workload, I'm tasting a little Ameer Abdullah in the paydirt pie.

With all this talk about the offenses, let's go OVA for the appetizer. 

LIONS 24  - Eagles 31 (OVA 47)

p.s. Fantasy Dip - Murray's a Viagra Play, Sanchez & AA are Mopeds.

-Fitzgerald

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Fitzy Goes OVA in SD

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In just under one hour Clay's Viagra Play takes the field in an AFC West showdown. Clay's hit it right on the button with his call this week because Kanye's cousin Chacandrick is going to pace the way for a high scoring affair in the "Whale's Vag". 

Chacandrick is not only going to get his, but he's also going to open the Chiefs' offense up as a whole. Having to respect him should allow NYMWS' favorite game manager Alex Smith to get talented pass catchers Travis Kelce and Jeremy Maclin involved in the scoring. This offense should be good for over 30 today against a Chargers defense who can't stop a nose bleed. 

While the Chargers suck D on D they fortunately have a man who is far from a game manager under center. The only man in the NFL with more children than Cromartie is going to come to play tonight on his home turf in this AFC West showdown. NYMWS' favorite window throwa Phil Rivers is all about slinging the rock and scoring points. He doesn't give a damn who's healthy and who's catching it. Rivers is going to throw it 50 times today and while that might not be enough to win, it will be enough for us to hit the OVA.

photo credit: sportingnews.com

CHARGERS 27 - Chiefs 31 OVA 45.5

-Fitzgerald

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Mr. Munn and The Vikes Go OVA

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The biggest news of the week was, NYMWS's girl, Olivia Munn blasting the media. She was upset that the media put her on blast about her sexcapades with A-Rod. She doesn't think that has anything to do with it. And as her biggest fan I most certainly agree. Maybe Aaron could take a suggestion that I gave last week and fuck the shit out of her to change his luck?  The probability of that happening is zero so something else has to happen to change the Packers fortune and maybe it's relax?  Ya know that cute catch phrase Aaron used last year. That's the perfect motto right now for this squad. 

They will relax this week and get back in the win colum after a couple of off weeks. They will get back to scoring the rock like recent past as well and go OVA for all of my fav fans. 

Packers-28 Vikings-21 OVA 44

-Clay

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Clay's Rams Dogs Win In Baltimore

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2 weeks in a row the Ravens are favored at home for some reason.  Has anyone else noticed how bad the Ravens have been all year??  They've been completely irrelevant with nothing positive at all coming out of Baltimore.  I get that the refs screwed them out of the win last week, I get that, but I also get tat they still wouldn't have covered that ridiculous 5.5 spread.  

Like the Jags were last week, the Rams are coming off of a brutal loss and look to keep their slim playoff hopes alive.  But hey, a win can propel this team and we all know Jeff Fisher lit a fire under their asses this week.  

The Ravens are so weak in every phase of the game right now and they might finish as the worst team in the league.  They will have no answer for Todd Gurley.  Case Keenum will be a non factor, but will be a solid "game manager" as the Rams smack up the Ravens and send them into true football irrelevance.

Rams(+2.5)-27 Ravens-16

-Clay

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Clay's Week 11 Fantasy Minaj

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Viagra Play of the Week - Chacandrick West (Chiefs RB)  

(This guy is guaranteed to erect your point total)

With the loss of Jamaal Charles and being in the same divivsion as the powerhouse Broncos it looked like the Chiefs were settling for another sub par season.  Oh have times have changed.  All of a sudden Chacandrick West is the best running back in the NFL that you've never heard of and the Broncos suck.  The Chiefs still have a lot of work to do, but with one of the easiest schedules remaining in the NFL, they can catch up to Denver in no time.  Alex Smith has proven that he isn't a big time quarterback, so West will have to do his part like he has the past three weeks.  We all know Fat Andy loves to run the rock and as long as he gets Chacandrick at least twenty touches the Chiefs will win and so will your fantasy team.

BBW - A.J. Green (Bengals WR)

(Blue Balls Warning - This guy will leave you painfully unsatisfied and wanting more)

I wanted to love the Bengals.  I actually did for a couple of weeks after the Red Rifle shut me up, but I'm glad to see the real Bengals are back.  The team led by the clueless coach and the weirdo quarterback is finally back to normal.  Unfortunately for a really talented receiver the Bengals will Bengal.  A.J. Green has some real talent, but I fear he's just starting to feed into the loser mentality.  That fumble in the final seconds against the shitty Texans proved this fact for me once and for all.  Also, Green will not be facing a mediocre defense this week, he's got one of the toughest corners to get room against in Patrick Peterson.  Cards smell blood and will once again turn the Red Rifle into the Red Pea Shoota so Green will suffer.  It's tough to do, but sit 'em.

Moped Ride of the Week - James Jones (Packers WR)

(This guy will be fun to ride for the week but you're not going to want to brag to your friends about doing it)

It's not his sex life that has Aaron Rodgers struggling as of late. It's the fact that James Jones has been M.I.A.  No one thought that James Jones was going to be anything this season, but with all of the injuries to the Packers receivers and seeing that Randall Cobb is clearly overmatched as the number one guy, Jones has been a refreshing story.  Or should I say he was a refreshing story.  He had six touchdowns in during the Packers 6-0 start to the season, but has only amassed three catches for 59 yards in the three game losing streak.  I would hope that Mike McCarthy sees these numbers and looks to get Jones into the game plan.  If that fat bastard doesn't then I know A-Rod will find his guy and get him into the end zone for the first time in awhile.

Filthy Fitz Lays the Wood

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I feel filthy doing this but I have to. I dealt a 2016 3rd round pick for Dez this week in a league where I manage my dime piece's team and what that means is I'm officially all in on Dem Boys the rest of the way.

My relationship with Jerry's squad couldn't come at a more opportune time as the undefeated Tony Romo makes his return from injury. With the straight fire that Tony is tweeting out, it's safe to say that Tony is fully aware of the task at hand. He's not heading out to South Beach to kick the rust off. He's heading out to South Beach to kick off this run for the NFC East and to let my boy Dez throw up the X. 

  

Cowboys 27(-2.5)  - DOLPHINS 17


In continuing with my current filthy ways I have to get back to work with my boys in green. It's been real tough sledding as of late for Gang Green. They've dropped three of their last four and are an even more upsetting 0-3-1 against the spread during that span. It's been a tough stretch for a devoted Jets fan/wagerer and the Houston Texan led TJ Yates is just the script the doctor prescribed to help heal our woes.

Jets (-3) 24 - TEXANS 10
p.s. I'm buying it down to 2.5 because Jets.

-Fitzgerald

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FantasyFitz's Week 11 Minaj A Trois

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Viagra Play of the Week - Latavius Murray (Raiders RB)  

(This guy is guaranteed to erect your point total)

While Lat Murray's been in a TD slump over his past three games, his 5.2 yards per attempt during the slump (4.7 on the season) has this fantasy owner feeling optimistic. The Raiders have Crabs, AC/DC and the aerial attack hogging the scoring this season but with a RB friendly Detroit on the schedule, expect Latavius to finally get the opportunity to do the scoring.  

BBW - DeAndre Hopkins (Texans WR)

(Blue Balls Warning - This guy will leave you painfully unsatisfied and wanting more)

League leading target rate smarget rate. Revis Island is out to prove to the doubters that Revis Island is still a no fly zone. Stay away TJ.

Moped Ride of the Week - Tyrod Taylor (Bills QB)

(This guy will be fun to ride for the week but you're not going to want to brag to your friends about doing it)

This one's for you Ben, Brees, Eli and Johnny Football owners. Three quarterbacks have scored over 20 fantasy points (ESPN Standard Scoring) against the Pats and that weirdo beard rocking defensive coordinator this season. Andrew Luck, Eli Manning and wait for it....Tyrod Taylor. Tyrod came out the fantasy gate hot this year but the hype train seemed to derail after his week 5 injury. With Tyrod back under center for the last two games, the Bills are looking like their back on track with two divisional wins but TT's fantasy points haven't followed suit. With plenty of rest, and plenty of motivation from his single white female of a head Coach Rexy, the former Hokie will be able to pick it pick it up pick it up. Who f*cking tonight? 

-FantasyFitz 

Clay's Got A Pack Of Dogs In Week 10

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3 and 1.  Only team the Pats haven't beat in the NFL since 2008.  The only team to beat Tom Brady in the Super Bowl.  Oh yea and they did that TWICE.  A lot has been made of the the Giants being the Patriot kryptonite and I believe every damn word of it.  I've seen Eli and TC shock the world twice.  I've seen them play their starters in a game that meant nothing against an undefeated Pats team.  All of this is in the Patriots head.  I will be in the building and this will be my first time I'll be watching a Tom Brady game in flesh and blood since TB12 beat them Jets in Gillette in the 2006 playoffs.  Well Tom, this isn't Gillette and these aren't the Jets.  Just like it 42, Eli orchestrates a miraculous final drive and finds his number one recover in the back corner of the end zone for the victory.  No need to buy any points, the GMEN win out right.

Giants(+7)-31 Patriots-27

Poor Joe Flacco.  This former elite quarterback officially has no one to throw it to.  Kamar Aiken will get his targets and catches, but it won't work.  He's just not ready to carry the work load that Steve Smith Sr. has taken so far and even with Sr. playing well the Ravens haven't.  On the other side of the field the Jags have been playing well and just losing.  Just like the Texans, the Jags are still alive in the division race and going on the road to Baltimore isn't as intimidating when they don't have the likes of Ray Lewis, Haloti Ngata, or Terrell Suggs.  The Jags offense will continue their impressive run and will put up points against this weak Ravens squad.  They will win out right.


Jaguars(+5.5)-35 Ravens-21

The Cards are a better team.  Seattle has proven that they are beatable at home this year.  And I'm hearing that Marshawn will sit?  Ummm, Cards by a million (or four) and yet another one of my dogs win out right.

Cardinals(+3)-21 Seahawks-17

-Clay

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