It's that time of the year. The NFL released/leaked the 2016 regular-season schedule, and all of us fans are taken back to our summer-recess days. You're sitting at home enjoying the time off, and your dog starts going nuts. You peak out the window to see his mortal enemy, the mail carrier (mail "carrier"..so PC of me!) sliding the mail into the mailbox. After you sought through your parents' past-due bills and toss those in the trash, you find that your class schedule for the upcoming year has been delivered. You rip that envelope open, and your summer-time high gets sobered immediately. Your chem teacher gives a buttload of homework, and that periodic table of mixology poster hanging in your room won't be of any help to you. You have to take calculus this year, and the only thing you know about calculus is that "U+ME=US." Your english teacher is the meanest bitch in the building, and you can't even read good. You have 4th period lunch, which is at brunch time, and you're not basic enough to enjoy brunch yet. And worst of all, one of your annual two classes with your heavy-set ex-girlfriend caps off your schedule...once again.
Now before we start to werrie about what looks like a tough slate, let's remember that a lot can happen between now and the actual 2016 season. Moves are yet to be made, injuries are bound to happen, and the chick sitting in front of you in chem might have a sexy-ass-thong hanging out of her jeans that leaves you walking in the hallway with your books over your boner when the bell rings. Let's revisit this when the season gets closer.
It's the most wonderful timeeee of the yearrrrrr!!! After the unbearable 82 game, 6+ month regular season, playoff hockey is FINALLY upon us. The 2 months of playoffs in the NHL is some of the most exciting stuff you can watch. Unfortunately for Islanders fans like myself, the past 23 years of not winning a playoff series has been the pits, and that 2 months of excitement is never the same. These 2015-16 Brooklyn New York Islanders hit that magical 100 point mark for the 2nd season in a row, and yet they're the Rodney Dangerfield of the NHL going into this first round matchup with the Florida Panthers. Let's talk about the elephant in the room before we go any further. Did the Islanders "tank" to play the Panthers rather than the Penguins? No, no they didn't. And if you want to talk shit like Rangers coach Alain Vigneault, then I guess Jack Cappy will have to come out of no where and lay the smack down on you just like he did to AV. I am so hot and cold with Cappy, but after this epic performance by him, I'm throwing my name in the ring to be the President of his fan club. Now that's settled let's get after the task at hand: The Atlantic Division Champion Florida Panthers. The Panthers have been on a crazy shopping spree since last season by trading for the likes of Jaromir Jágr, Roberto Luongo, Jiri Hudler, and Teddy Purcell to name a few. These vets have added some much needed experience to the Panthers core of youngin's like Aaron Ekblad, Jonathan Huberdeau and Vincent Trocheck. All around solid team, weird team, but solid team. The Panthers also share similar playoff futility with the Isles, as they haven't won a playoff series since their 1996 miracle run to the Stanley Cup Final, only to get swept by that juggernaut Colorado Avalanche team. Florida's starting goalie was drafted 4th overall in the 1997 draft by the Islanders and if the Panthers are going to win their first series in 20 seasons they will have to do it on the back of Bobby Lu. On the flip side, the Islanders' goalies are a mess. What else is new. Hell the Isles goalie situation has been a mess ever since they traded Bobby Lu in 2000. Jaro Halak has been sidelined since early March after ripping up his groin. Can't really see Halak coming back anytime soon so they will have to rely on Thomas Greiss. Greiss has been shaky, to say the least, since taking over the reigns, but has shown flashes of greatness at times. Hopefully with the recent amazing news that his beautiful wife is cancer free, Thomas will ride that happiness throughout his run as the starter. The best thing the Islanders have going for them is that Cappy finally found JT a couple of wingers. New daddy Kyle Okposo is a familiar face on The Captain's right side, and now Frans Nielsen is flanking his left side. Frans may be the 2nd best center on the team, but he has brought some life to the top line that hasn't been there in years. The 4th line is still The Best In The World like NYMWS has been telling you for 2 years and will bring physicality that some of these Panthers haven't witnessed before.
The other 6 Islanders forwards will be mixed and matched, and hopefully short shifted, because if losers like Josh Bailey and Shane Prince play any significant minutes the Isles are doomed. There's no doubt in my mind that this will be one of long, torturous series that will cause all of us Islander fans nothing but agita, but the difference in these games will be special teams. Killing penalties and scoring with the man advantage has been something the Islanders have excelled at all year. The loss of Anders Lee will hurt the power play, but it's our client's time. Look for a MONSTER series out of BROOOOOOCKKKKKKKKK NNNNNNNEEEELLLLLLLSSSSSOOOOONNNNNN! Islanders in 6; punching their ticket the the 2nd round at the Barclays Center because, in the words of Brooklyn's own Fabolous: Guess who's time it is? Ma ma my Isles time! Now cue that mother fucking music
-Clayton
PS
I really wish the Coliseum was still alive. Watching this video made my dick rock hard. #RockTheBarn
It is almost time to drop the puck at the Igloo, and you better believe the NY Morning Wood Sports Tag Team Champions of the Worlddddd are rocking with the Blue Shirts in this first round matchup. It's not so much that we hate Syd and the Pens, because we definitely hate the King and his crew just as much, but we need (don't want - need) this hockey subway series in the Eastern Conference Finals. We are a long two-series away from that happening, so get comfy in the Craig Carton spin-off church folks....ISLES FANS FOR RANGERS!
For the second consecutive Tuesday, Thor is taking the bump in a "must-win" game. And for the second consecutive Tuesday, I'm here, with help from Aaron Rodgers Noah, to tell us Mets fans to R-E-L-A-X. This six-game sample size is way too small for it to result in the massive amount of negative chatter it has received. Disappointment is a feeling that this franchise has allowed us to know all too well, so the shift back to what feels familiar is understandable. But let's hold off on the "this team sucks" chatter for a minute. Expect the bats to do just enough against the ace of the Fish tonight, to allow Thor to hit the mute button on all the negative chatter.
Finally, the Mets have come back to.....FLUSHINGGGGG. Sing it with me folks..."Oh, the butcher and the baker and Fitzy, where did they go? TO MEET THE METS!" We're back at Citi Field for the Metsies to play their home opener against the Philadelphia Phillies, and the good news is the Phils have picked up right where they left off last year...
Photo credit - Google
No need to go and find those videos to watch, I'll break it down for you. Ryan Howard still makes a buttload of cash, but he doesn't play everyday anymore. John and Julio's nephew Maikel Franco is thier only glimmer of hope in the lineup as the year kicks off. Also, their bullpen makes the Mets' pen look like the Yanks' pen as they bring their 12.91 ERA to Queens with them. The Mets shouldn't have much to worry about on the field during the next three days. Off the field there's still plenty of hoopla surrounding the team... 'You people' apparently can't get enough of the Mets already, as everyone is moaning about the two day layoff like it has been two months since Thor laid the smackdown on the Royals. As Curtis Granderson said on Boomer and Carton this morning, the two days were nice for the guys to unpack and get settled before the home opener. I have to agree with the Grandyman on that one, unpacking is miserable. The other important information that CC and the Booms got out of Curtis was music related. We have now learned that the locker room weekly music lineup is legit AF. I don't care how much money Murph got from the Nats, you know he had to be pissed to not be back in the Mets' room for "White People Wednesdays." Tomorrow's the day we'll also find out what song won the walk up song voting for the Mets' leadoff hitter.You have to be in the KFC camp that's hoping Tolo's recommendation is blaring through the speakers during the bottom of the first inning. Get ready for it..."now batting - bah gawd King that's Tolo's recommendation!" If the closer comes into the game, we'll also be hearing some new music, as Jeurys has gone the Cespedes route with a custom made track. I'm pretty sure Clay and I put the maloik on "Danza Kuduro" by opening our Mets Preview Podcast with it. Our mistake, we apologize (Jerry Recco Voice). I'll miss hearing Don Omar at Citi. If we do hear Jeurys' new tune, it may or may not be the scheduled Jacob deGrom that he is closing out a win for. If Mrs. deGrom goes into labor, Tolo's ready to roll out to the mound make the start. This situation, as whacky as it seems, is exactly why bringing Colon back was a huuuuggeee (not a weight joke, a Trump joke) move by Sandy. The veteran hurler is ready whenever called upon. The Mets will be heavy favorites for the home opener regardless of who's on the hill. Lay the wood with the home team as they open Citi Field's most anticipated season in winning fashion. LGM! METS(-223) 5 - Phillies 2
The Masters Minaj, 'a tradition unlike any other'...mostly because this is the first time we're doing it. Inspired by our always entertaining, and rarely helpful, Fantasy Football Minaj, we bring to you, our first ever edition of 'The Masters Minaj A Trois - Gold Jacket, Green Jacket, Who Gives A Shit?'
Gold Jacket Guys
You can win some gold with one of these guys...
Danny Willet 50/1...The 28-year-old Englishman and his putter are about to put us all on notice at this year's Masters. This new daddy is making his second appearance at the year's first major, and his 12th place ranking in the World Golf Rankings is real AF. He owns two T3 finishes in WGC events this year, and his strong showing at last year's British Open Championship should have him ready to compete well into the weekend.
Rafael Cabrera Bello 90/1...Up until recently, RCB was best known for his work over on the European tour. His impressive seven under round this past Sunday earned him a 4th place finish at the Shell Houston, and now has him at Augusta National ranked 33rd in the world. It's tough to pick a first timer not named Fuzzy, but this 31-year-old Spaniard is too hot to ignore at 90/1.
Bill Haas 110/1...Hi, my name is Bill Haas and I'm here to make the cut. You can't ignore the fact that he's made the cut in all six of his appearances at Augusta, especially if you're in any of these Masters' pools. He's improved each year too, and worked out a respectable T12 finish last year. I'd feel better about him if he closed at the Valspar in March, but beggars can't be choosers at 110/1.
Fitzy's Gold Jackey Guy - Sergio Garcia 50/1...We all know how he feels about mud balls, soI'd feel better about this one if the forecast wasn't calling for rain, but I have to do it. I'd much rather go with Willet or JT in this spot, but I'm the president/only member of the El Nino fan club. What's the definition of insanity again?
Green Jacket Guys
These guys are our safer plays to slide on the green jacket this weekend...
Jason Day 13/2...The red hot Aussie obviously has to be included in this conversation. He has finished in the "place and show" positions before at Augusta, and the world number one is the favorite to take the only place left on the board that he hasn't occupied yet. Don't be scared off by the flu-like symptoms you've read about. Dr. Fitz thinks that won't be a factor.
Jordan Spieth 17/2...He missed a cut in February, he hasn't been hitting it great, blah, blah, blah. In order for someone to be the man at Augusta, they're going to have to beat the man. Spieth's average finish at the Masters is 1.5. The defending champ could definitely be going back to back (Drake Voice).
Adam Scott 12/1...His golf swing is too sweet to ever count him out, and he's been better than expected with his non-anchored flat stick.
Rickie Fowler 15/1...The Masters folks might not want to see the Green Jacket rocked with joggers and high-tops, but they might not have a choice. He played well on Sunday last year, and he looked good last week at the Shell Houston Open. He is winning a major this year.
Fitzy's Green Jacket Guy - Dustin Johnson 15/1...The 'best golfer to never win a major' argument will be losing a candidate after this weekend. DJ's overpowering game is the real deal, and with his three-eagle-record-setting round last year, there is no questioning his ability to play this golf course. His past weekend major woes force everyone to question his ability to get over the hump, but the only question we'll be asking after his victory this weekend will be..."who rocks the green jacket when him and The Great One hump?"
Who Gives A Shit Guys?
NYMWS doesn't give a shit about these guys, avoid them this weekend...
Bubba Watson 12/1...I get why this lefty has won twice at Augusta. The place suits his game. But don't buy into Bubba throwing a third green jacket in his closet this year. I feel like as a professional golfer you need to be a little messed up in the head to compete, but Bubba is the kind of dude who's a little too messed up in the head for Fitzy to back at 12/1. You can find better options in the Green Jacket Guys.
Patrick Reed 45/1...He's been playing okayyyyyy latelyso I understand that chatter. The chatter I can't understand is the whole "he went to Augusta State stuff." You know where else Patrick went? Toolbag State and D-Bag U. Nothing personal, but I'm not playing Reed at Augusta.
Phil Mickelson 15/1...It's tough to shy away from 'Lefty', and what would be a real feel good story at the Masters, but I'm not interested at 15/1. The experience is obviously there for the three-time champ, and his putting has been better in 2016, but he doesn't have me believing that it's green jacket good again.
Noah Syndergaard will once again be 60'6" away from Alcides Escobar today, and he's exactly the man the Mets need on the mound to get everybody to R-E-L-A-X. As Keith Hernandez said on the Pope's show yesterday, "he's no-nonsense," and that's just what you need to silence this current nonsense. Pitching for the Royals today will be our old pal Chris Young. As it's pointed out in ESPN's Mets-Royals Preview, Chris has fared well against Wright and Cespedes in his career, but that shouldn't leave us werried about the Mets' bats today. They'll be able to put enough runs on the board to allow Syndergaard to spoil today's ring ceremony. Happy #THORDAY! Mets(-110) 4 - ROYALS 1
Our resident fantasy baseball playa's "Viagra Play", Zack Greinke, took the bump yesterday on Opening Day at Chase Field.
Credit - MLB.com
Is this poor outing just a one-off for the ace of Clay's fantasy staff? Or has the time come already for the mouthpiece to get involved in the roster decisions for Clay's squad?
