With the debacle that is this current presidential race, I appreciate a story like this because it reminds me that not all is wrong in the world today. Swaggy is on video saying he cheated on his fiancee, and D'Angelo Russell, the cameraman/interviewer, is getting all the public heat because he violated the bro code. I worry about our future. But a world where Swaggy is the victim, and Russ is the bad guy, that's a world that not even Trump or Hillary can destroy. This is the stuff that makes America great.
Seriously though, these guys are teammates. Where's the teamwork? They couldn't work together and draw up a defense against this situation. I mean, Friday is April 1st. How about a "got emmmmm, this was an April fools joke we were playing on Iggy Az. Swaggy would never cheat, we both love Ig. LOL. JK THO." Where's Byron on this one? Better yet, where's Kobe on this one? Can the Black Mamba take a break from signing shoes for one minute and help his boys out? I know you guys are trash on the court, but you're still professionals. You're all better than this.
-Fitzgerald
p.s. We should have totally had KP secretly filming Fish this year. The old cocksman Fish would have made Swaggy look like a choir boy.
Damn you Robert. I got this belief that chics should only be going to chic gynos to get their boxes checked out, but I always keep that belief buried deep down because I understand how ignorant it sounds. Now here I got this creepazoid Dr. Robert Hadden fueling my beliefs. I feel like a racist. I hate male gynos. I can't separate this fuck from the rest of them, so I'm forced to hate all of them. And don't give me the "this could happen with a lezzie lady gyno" nonsense. Lesbihonest, lesbians are respectful. A girl that likes girls would never do something like Bob did here.
I can just picture this loser down there checking shit out and asking this poor lady "so what do you do for work?" She replies, "professional dancer", and boom, he helps himself to a little taste. It don't work like that bro. When a lady learns that you're a gyno, she doesn't just whip out her stinky box and ask you to start inspecting it does she? I would think that's covered in gyno school. Maybe this perv was sick that day? Fuck this guy.
Photo credit: Top left-@dewaynewade Instagram, Top right-GC Images Bottom left-@kehlani Instagram, Bottom right-wwe.com
As the Cleveland Cavaliers prepare to host Mr. Stickum and the Houston Rockets tonight, there's not much advice I can offer them for their on the court game plan. Off the court, I can definitely be of some assistance. Four members of the Cavaliers are in dire need of some love advice, and I'm here to give it to them. Starting point guard Kyrie Irving found himself trending worldwide yesterday, after the Ovo singer PartyNextDoor posted a little in-bed hand-holding with Kehlani. Kyrie isn't sweating this one, and everyone needs to relax. Before saying "bye" to instagram, Kehlani shed some light on the situation by basically saying Kyrie had too many other bitches. Classic misunderstanding. Everyone thinks you're getting played, but the truth is that you're not fucking with each other anymore because she got tight that you had too many side dimes. Happens all the time. My advice to Kyrie would be to just stay the course. As the sexy AF Mia Khalifa pointed out, he's not taking the L on this one...
The other Cav dealing with a past relationship is their leading scorer LeBron James. LeBron misses dillydicking with DWade, and he doesn't just want to get back with him. He wants to get back with Dwayne, and he wants Melo and CP3 in the sheets with them. Here's my advice to LBJ (sorry Francesa)...opt out and leave. I want to say that if I was a Cavs' player or fan, that I would be able to put up with your bullshit...because it does seem like you offer them their best chance at a championship...but I can't say that. There comes a point in every relationship, that no matter how great the fuck is, it's not worth the fuck that you're really getting. You're the classic immature fuckboy who doesn't know how to treat their teammates and fans. Hold another press conference...give them the old "it's not you, it's me" (which is true, for the first time ever), and just move on.
While Kyrie and LeBron are dealing with past relationships, J.R. Smith and Kevin Love are in need of some advice with potential relationships. Miley asked J.R. if she could get the pipe after the game the other night at the Garden. J.R., you go hit that shit brother. There aren't many dudes out there who are crazy enough to handle that wrecking ball, but you're definitely one that can. Shoutout to Miley too for knowing her audience. J.R. was the only dude on the floor that night crazy enough to give her the D.
The Dirtiest Player in the Game gave his blessing for K Love to have relations with his daughter Charlotte. I'd advise Kev to pass on this one, and it's not because I'm more of a Becky or Sasha guy. Charlotte could for sure get it. But Naitch is too involved for me already. Just imagine being upstairs with the Diva's champ and you got "the stylin', profilin', limousine riding, jet flying, kiss-stealing, wheelin' n' dealin son of a gun" downstairs wooing his face off. Try getting it up with that shit going on. Similar to playing with LeBron, it looks like a good idea for #0, but it's not where he belongs.
Kyrie, LeBron, J.R., and Kevin...follow Coach LeBron's Tyronn's game plan on the court. But if you're looking for love and happiness off the court, take Coach Fitzy's advice.
-Fitzgerald p.s. I have no issue with PartyNextDoor rocking a Kyrie jersey. We all know that if a jersey looks fly, you rock that shit.
As the New York Yankees begin their second season P.J.(Post Jeter), their expectations are once again tame, for Yankees standards at least. The Bronx Bombers are a shell of themselves from the juggernaut that they were during their unstoppable run from 1994-2009. They missed the playoffs once in that 15 year span. Once! That's a far cry from the recent past of missing the playoffs in consecutive seasons and being ousted in the Wild Card game last year. The 2016 Yanks have a little something different from recent teams that played in the "House That Jeter Built" and it starts with the Three Headed Monster that roams in the bullpen. Brain Cash Cashman has assembled the most deadly, no pun intended, shut down relievers this game has ever seen. On paper that is, of course. The Three Headed Monster starts with Dellin "Don't Call me Dylan" Betances, who may look like Katie Nolan's (ex) boyfriend, but who cares. The Bronx native would never fuck with her, because she's a one of those weird Boston folk. Betances is a no nonsense guy that will throw 98mph right at ya face because he's 6'8", 260lbs and doesn't care what you think. Scary thought when that's your 7th inning guy. Follow him up the 6'7" Andrew Miller. Miller, last years closer, has an awkward wind up and release that has his arms, legs, and cock just flopping right at you with no time to react. Miller is a stud that was the centerpiece of the Miguel Cabrera trade way back when and just wants to win; which is why he gave up his closers role without a fight after Cash made a blockbuster of a trade by landing Aroldis Chapman. The "Cuban Missile" is fresh off of his domestic violence incident that wasn't as terrible as first reported, but will still be suspended until May 9th. Obviously the previous two monsters will handle the bullpen in Chapman's absence, but once he returns, oh it's on. This Cuban flame thrower tosses it over 100mph with ease and has been working on a stupid off speed pitch this Spring just to make the American League look that much more foolish. With Chapman and Miller, both lefties, I think it's safe to say the Yankees front office has made it clear that they are not looking to follow Big Papi's orders of a standing ovation. Instead they look to put the big man on his fat ass. Chasen Shreve, last season's darling of the first five months, should be the third and final south paw in the Yankees pen. The righties will most likely be Luis Cessa and Branden Pinder, aka a couple bro's that nobody knows much about and will not see game action unless it's a blow out. The Bombers bullpen seems to be locked and loaded, and unfortunately with their somewhat weak starters, they're going to be the straw that stirs the drink so to speak. The starters are led by The Rising Sun of Japan, Masahiro Tanaka. "Hiro" seemed to be revved up for the opening day start against the Astros, but Joe Girardi is playing a little game with his Asian friend by calling him out in the media for a brutal spring. A few things are wrong with this tactic Joe---1. Spring Training means nothing. 2. He doesn't speak the language so will he even understand it? 3. HE'S THE BEST PITCHER ON YOUR STAFF! This strategy by Joe is puzzling, but if he's doing it because he wants "Hiro's" first start of the season to be a Tanaka Tuesday, then I take it all back and this move makes total sense. After Tanaka, the clear ace of the staff, you can't really say we have a 2, so we have a 3, 4, 5 and then a 6, 7, 8, just so we have some options, but after the 1 it gets a little confusing. Ya know? "Big" Mike Pineda, Luis "Sevy" Severino and "Nasty" Nate Eovaldi are the next three up in the rotation. Big Mike and Nasty Nate have been in the bigs for a couple of seasons and both have shown flashes of greatness, but injuries have slowed their progress to make that next step. Larry Rothschild and company hope that 2016 will be the turning point for their careers and maybe solidify whether we can figure out if they're a 1, 2, 3, 4, or 5. Sevy only got a taste of that big league pooten last season when he made 11 starts over the last month and a half taking Nasty Nate's spot in the rotation. Severino has the most upside in the rotation and could even become the ace before the end of the season if he's just able to keep the ball in the park. So we got the top four of the rotation set with one spot left. The last spot will be between CC Sabathia, Ivan Nova and Bryan Mitchell. CC has had a whirlwind of a couple of months where he broke down his demons in a Player's Tribune piece(Yeahhhhhh Jeets). CC seems to be on the mend, however, and he's even recently turned to an old teammate to learn to throw his patented pitch. The big man hasn't looked impressive in Spring Training and still seems to be uncomfortable with weight issues, back pain and getting used to his knee brace aka his rotation spot is in serious doubt. Nova hasn't helped his case recently as he's been tossing hot garbage for a couple of seasons and his recent Tommy John surgery hasn't seemed to have fixed anything. Lastly, the dark horse for this spot is Bryan Mitchell. The kid has been solid but would be a huge surprise if he took the spot. I will bet that CC is in the rotation to start the season, Nova is the long man in the 'pen and Mitchell will be that (ex-Yankee) Adam Warren type swing-man guy. The former do-it-all pitcher, Warren, was a key to the Yankees over the past couple of seasons but was dealt to the Cubs over the off-season in Cash's biggest Hot Stove move. The Yankees slick GM fleeced young Theo by taking my main man Starlin Castro to play 2nd base for the Bombers. Castro takes over a spot that was manned by the likes of Stephen Drew since Robbie Cano departed for the Pacific North West. Starlin is 26 and already has over 1,000 hits. He's a solid defender has looked comfortable with his new mates so far in spring. Castro was a shortstop his whole career, until the second half of 2015, and now will be the full time 2nd baseman for the Yanks as Didi Gregorius continues to be the answer at short. Didi had an above average season taking over for a legend and only got better as the year went on. The one guy you can't bank on in that infield? None other then Chase Headley. Head has been brutal at both the dish and in the field. He needs a huge bounce back season or he could find his ass on the street as "Ball Face" Rob Refsnyder is waiting in the wings ready to pounce. The Yankees round out the infield with a couple of vets in Mark Teixeira and Brian McCann. Both got the power, both take advantage of the short porch and both are essential to a big year for the Yankees. Tex is coming off yet another huge year ended suddenly by injury and McCann enjoyed his 8th straight season of hitting 20+ homers. Tex may be the best fielding 1st baseman in the MLB and McCann can lead the staff like no other. This will be the year this "no fun diet" that Texy has been taking part in finally does something positive and he will win the Cumback Player of the Year. This is also a big year for McCann, that hopefully kills it enough that Cash can trade him in the off-season for some pitching and bring up Gary Sanchez from the minors. With Gardy, Ells and Beltran manning the outfield everyday the Yankees may have the weirdest everyday outfield ever. Over-paid, fast, but slow guys, with some pop. All have proven to be very good players over their careers, but have not been able to put it together lately. If any falter the big boy Aaron Hick is waiting to take their jobs. The former 2nd overall pick, Dustin Ackley, also looms but he's more of a jack-of-all-trades guy. The final piece of this squad is the new face of the Yankees. He's more then just a baseball player now-a-days. He's a social media savant, media mogul and newly locked down man of a billionaire broad. Of course I am referring to none other then Alex Rodriguez, but the new Arod isn't just 1/2 of the biggest power couple in the nation, but he's also just 1/25 of the Yankees. This isn't the same Lightning Rod of old, this is a team player that has made a bigger face change then John Cena back in the day. Alex is the quintessential team guy and is someone that everyone wants to be around. NYMWS has alway been #TeamArod so this public turn makes us extremely happy. Look out for another monster year from Alex, who will be dropping Abombs all over the MLB's faces.
As the Yanks get ready to head up north don't forget to get your gambling on at Wager123.com where the lines are listed as follows...
Regular season wina OVA/UNDA 86
AL East Title +200
AL Pennant +600
World Series +1100
Take the OVA and the AL pennant for some easy cash money. See you all in the Bronx for the best baseball in the New York area!
-Boogie Down Clay
PS Don't forget to listen to the Yankee pod where Fitzy tell us a riveting story about the 2009 World Series between the Phillies and Mets Yankees, when he was at a Knicks preseason game.....
PPS I can't wait for Alex to get to 700 homers this season, A LOT to look forward to. Get FIRED UP!
Six months later than we hoped they would, the 2015 National League Champions are finally heading out to Kansas City. In less than a week the New York Mets are scheduled to kickoff the 2016 baseball season with a one-night stand against the team that defeated them to capture the 2015 World Series. The 2016 Mets' season opening opponent isn't the only common factor from the 2015 season finale. Opening day will also be a "Harvey Day", as one half of the Mets' co-aces, Matt Harvey, takes the bump. On that balmy November night in Flushing, all eyes were focused on the pitcher's mound, and that focus will continue throughout the 2016 season, as the Mets will once again go as far as their bad-ass pitching staff carries them. With the Dark Knight, Jacob deGrom, Mr. 60'6", Steven 'LI' Matz and Big Sexy (shout out to KFC, buy the shirt) filling out the starting rotation, the hype is real for the Mets' 2016 staff. The biggest problem with the Mets' staff right now is deciding who the ace is. Is it Harvey? Or is it deGrom? #Goodpitchingstaffproblems. I'm all good calling them co-aces, but I feel like shit is about to get really real this season when we have to start saying the Mets have tri-aces. The 23-year-old Noah Syndergaard could have the best stuff of the bunch, and between his 'come get some' attitude, and dope social media game, he's quickly forcing our hands to include him in the whole ace convo hoopla. After the tri-aces, Ward Melville's favorite son, lefty Steven Matz isn't about to give lineups a break on day 4. Stop the whole "Matz looks like junk in spring training chatter". Stevie M is undefeated for his career in the regular season (aka when it counts), and his growth during the 2016 season could be one of the most exciting storylines to watch. The man taking up the rear of the staff to start the season is no other than fan favorite Bartolo Colon. Tolo had offers for more money to go elsewhere but he knew where he was loved. No disrespect to his size, but there's no way to measure what the 42-year-old Colon brings to the squad. Both his production on the field, and his leadership in the clubhouse, are imperative to this Mets team's success. If the Mets have a breakdown in the opening day staff, fingers are crossed that it won't be until the summertime. Zack Wheeler is expected to be ready to return from Tommy John surgery in July (really August/September because Mets' medical staff) and Z-Dubs is certainly a nice card for Terry and Co. to have in their deck. When we talk pitching the hope of any Met fan at the moment has to be that it goes from the above listed studs straight to Jeurys. The closer in the pen is the only sort of sure thing the Metsies have back there. Sure he sketched out a little in the Fall classic, but whose closer hasn't? If we have a hiccup getting to Familia, one of the Mets' main question marks will appear. The hope is that Addison Reed is the setup man that is needed, but that's far from a safe bet. Left hander Antonio Bastardo is positive addition, but he's no Aroldis Chapman. Hide your curbs, and hide your Dee Gordon liners, because it looks like Jerry Blevins is cracking the opening day roster. If the former National can stay healthy, he should be a nice lefty option for TC to turn to out of the pen. Hansel 'ain't nobody got time for that' Robles will be back for his second season in the bigs. I caught up with Hansel recently for a brief interview...
Fitzy: "Hey Hansel, got any cool stories from the offseason?"
Hansel: "So I'm rappelling down Mount Vesuvius when suddenly I slip, and I start to fall. Just falling, ahh ahh, I'll never forget the terror. When suddenly I realize 'Holy shit, Hansel, haven't you been smoking peyote for six straight days, and couldn't some of this maybe be in your head?'"
F: "And?"
H: "And it was. I was totally fine. I've never even been to Mount Vesuvius."
Sounds like the quick pitcher had a great offseason. Logan Verrett, Sean Gilmartin, Erik Goeddel, and Jim Henderson are all candidates to round out the pen. Verrett is a nice piece with his ability to make spot starts and eat some innings. Jim Henderson would be an interesting arm to have on the roster. Henderson had 28 saves for the Brewers in 2013, but shoulder issues ruffled his 2014 season, and he was held out all year last year to rehab. Pitching coach Dan Warthen has been quoted saying "we're all very happy with what we're seeing right now" in regards to the Canadian Henderson's performance this spring. All eyes will be on Sandy Alderson if the bullpen struggles this season. If this group needs improving during the season, I'm fully confident he'll make the moves to arm the bullpen with the necessary pieces. The only two pitching departures I'm paying attention to was odd man out Jon Niese, and trade deadline pickup Tyler Clippard. I loved the idea of Clippard when the deal was made, but unfortunately he wet the bed when it mattered. He isn't/wasn't the answer to the bullpen questions. Jon Niese was a good backend starter when he was here, but I'm all good with his departure because he brought back a return, and he also just seemed like a weird cat to me. Enjoy that defense and wanted feeling you desire Jon! Speaking of Jon's return, the infield defense got a lot more sure handed in the man the Mets acquired in the Niese trade. Neil Walker is here to replace playoff hero Daniel Murphy. Murphy signed with a new "ball club" this winter and I can't say I was devastated by it. Sure the playoff heroics were some of the best action we've ever had, but in the World Series he botched a few grounders and proved to be exactly what Gary Cohen said he was, a "net negative". I'll pass on that. Give me Neil now, and Dilson in the future. Fellow newcomer Asdrubal Cabrera will be Walker's primary double play partner this season. The two-time all star was signed to a two year 18.5 million dollar contract this offseason to man the shortstop position. He's no HoJo at the plate, and he's no Rey Ordonez in the field, but he's a better hitter than the recently released Ruben Tejada, and he does field the position better than Wilmer Flores. Cabrera's opening day availability has been a little clouded by injury, but his recent minor league action is providing optimism that he'll be ready to go. The corner infielders pegged in as opening day starters are familiar faces David Wright and Lucas Duda. The streaky Duda will again be relied upon to deliver some pop in the middle of the lineup. In the field, the hope is that he'll be ready to throw the ball home with better ability this season...if the scenario arises...specifically in November...late in the game...in the World Series. Spinal stenosis survivor David Wright is making his best effort to ensure he's on the field to contribute this season. The hope is that the captain plays 135 games this season, and this Mets' fan is optimistic that those 135 games will be enough for David to contribute in the way this team needs him to.
The coolest man to cry in NY since Mark Messier, Wilmer Flores, is still with the club, and he'll be heavily relied upon to fill an important utility role this season. It looks like Wilmer will see plenty of at bats this season, as he'll be moved all over the field. It's still being sorted out whether Matt Reynolds or Eric Campbell will join Flores on the bench as an infield option this season. Stay tuned on that one. All the focus behind the dish will be on Travis d'Arnaud's health, and ability to throw out runners. He's a well above-average hitting catcher, and he brings an added value with how he handles the Mets' staff. A true breakout year out of Travis would go a long way in solidifying the Met lineup as one of the most dangerous in the National League. Former first-rounder Kevin Plawecki will hopefully be on the club as a catching option, but there's some question as to if the limited work he could receive would stunt his growth. There was chatter of moving both guys around the field, but it sounds like those plans never materialized. After it sounded like he was heading elsewhere, Sandy and the Mets were able to bring Yoenis Cespedes back to Flushing on a creative deal. The Cubano Yoenis brings the bat, and a swagger that is unmatched to the ball club. Even through his head scratchers (like the inside the park HR he just allowed), the Mets are a much better team with a player of his ability on the roster. Yoenis will be joined in the outfield on most days by a combination of Curtis Granderson, Michael Conforto, and Juan Lagares. When the opponents have righties on the bump, Terry will be able to put out his best slugging lineup as the veteran Granderson, and the young slugger Conforto both swing good sticks against right-handers. When the Mets find a southpaw hurler on the mound for their opposition, Terry will be looking to work in the gold glover Juan Lagares. The fielding configuration of the outfielders has recently become a hot topic. We all know Juan is the best centerfielder on the club, but if Terry believes keeping #52 in center is the best way to get him comfortable enough so he's not playing soccer in the outfield, then I'm all for Juan playing a corner when it's his turn to start. Alejandro de Aza was signed early in the offseason, but the return of Cespedes will keep him down on the depth chart for now. With other National League teams reloaded and improved, the Metsies aren't the favorite to accomplish all of last year's achievements. Wager123.com has them listed as follows...
Regular season wina OVA/UNDA 89.5
NL East Title -130
NL Pennant +450 (Cubs 200, Giants 350, Nats 450)
World Series +800 (Cubs 450, BJs 700, Giants 750)
This blogger/homer is going to lay the mini-wood on the Metsies winning the NL East, and then don't hold back on the rest of the action, as I have them good for 94 wins and a ticker-tape parade in early November. Let's go Mets!
Ask and you shall receive! Thanks to the help of the Secret Squirrel Daniel Dopp, the dynamic duo of Berry and Beadle gave me the advice I've been looking for on today's Fantasy Focus 06010 podcast (DOWNLOAD THE PODCAST, LISTENING IS OPTIONAL). I've tried everything I can think of to get back into the position. I won her a fantasy championship (thank you Matthew for the mediocre advice), and I even asked her to marry me (she said yes...shockingly). Neither found me back there.
So now we'll get to work with TMR and Michelle's advice. I'll have to think about whole eye for an eye thing. I'm not sure if I'm ready to be a #FingersInTheBootyAssBitch like my boy Kanye. I'll keep you posted on how we do!
-Fitzgerald
p.s. I swear it was an accident! (She reads the blog)
The Isles ended their four game skid last night with a 3-1 victory over the Ottawa Senators. JF Berube made 22 saves to earn himself the first star of the game. It was Berube's first time being a star, and just like many of us during our first time, it got a little awkward. We've all been there. Is it in yet? Do you feel it? Am I doing this right?
Hopefully the awkwardness of his first experience doesn't scare the rookie net-minder away from earning more stars of the game. Heck, I was awkward AF as 15 year old in my parents' basement, but that didn't stop me from getting back in there. Get back in there JRouby, we're going to need it in this push for the playoffs.
-Fitzgerald
p.s. JF Berube's excuse is as legit as anyone's after their first time...
On yesterday's episode of "The Jets and the Fitzless" Coach Bowles spoke calmly, down in Boca Raton, on Gang Green's contingency plans if our favorite Harvard grad decides to sign with another team....."You want everything to work out fine, but if it doesn't work out fine you better have Plans B, C and D. And you still have to win with those plans." Coach Bowles didn't divulge into the specifics of "Plans B, C and D", but through my sawces, I was able to gather the information he withheld... Plan B: Bryce Petty...
Photo credit - baylor.247sports.com (Myspace)
The 2015 4th round pick could find himself going from third stringer to the driver's seat if Fitzpatrick is wearing a different jersey next season. I can't guarantee that the 24 year old Petty is ready to rock and roll under center just yet, but I can gauran-damn-tee that he will be getting some rock star type ass in NYC if he's the starter for the 2016 season. Can't hate that for a young buck from Texas who used to post the above photos on myspace. Plan C: Boomer Esiason...
Photo credit - USA Today
The southpaw recently joked on his hit morning radio/tv show that he might be able to help fill the void for a cool 10 mill. It looks like what started out as a light joke by the Booms is turning into a realistic backup plan to the backup plan for Coach Todd and the Jets. The former Terp might be a little past his playing prime but the needed leadership that he'll bring to the locker room will be the closest to the leadership that Fitzpatrick provided last season.
Plan D: Johnny Manziel (accompanied by Bianca Ghezzi..hopefully)...
Photo credit - Getty Images/Instagram
When concocting the plans for life without Fitzpatrick, apparently once it got to Plan D it was time for Woody to take over the concocting from Mikey Mac and Coach Bowles. Desperate as ever to fix this he did what he knows how to do best. Nobody wants to get to Plan D, and even though Bowles said we need to be prepared to win with any of the plans, Woody feels it's better to turn his attention to winning the back page. If B and C don't work, Woody's turning to Drew Rosenhaus' new client Johnny Football.
Woody was smart enough to at least put a caveat on Plan D. If Johnny is guilty of what he's alleged to have done to his ex-girlfriend, then Woody says he is (rightfully so) out of the plans, and Plan D will be changed to...
Alternative Plan D: Geno Smith...
Photo credit: Getty Images
It's the ROC in the building!
Pass the champagne Johnny....here's to hoping Plan A works out!
I've always had the utmost respect for mixed martial arts athletes. I think the men and women who compete inside the octagon are some of the toughest SOBs in the world, but for some reason I've never had the desire to hangout at some chain restaurant till 12 midnight to watch the fights with a bunch of hardos who train at some UFC gym on Jericho Turnpike. I just could never get into the MMA, and until now, I could never figure out why I wasn't into watching something that I had a total respect for. Well it turns out Rosie O'D's bro broke it down for me. I have the utmost respect for gay people. (Insert "I have gay friends or I have a gay family member statement here.") I'd go to the top of any mountain top (and I'm petrified of heights) to scream that anyone should be allowed to love, marry, or bone anyone (as long as it's not a child or animal...obvi) that they choose. Love, marriage and boning are all things that bring us great joy and no one should be denied that joy because they have the same private parts. So even though I respect the gays, and admire the talent of gay porn stars, I've always known I wasn't into watching gay porn...which according to Danny O'D, is just like the UFC with a different ending. Now to keep it real, I really think the assemblyman is making the ultimate reach here in comparing MMA to 'gay porn', but at least he's helped me realize why I don't like to watch MMA. Just because you respect it, doesn't mean you're going to be into watching it.
Attention Arlington area bartenders....you better learn how to make a Long Island Iced Z, because Zack Daddy and the Ryder Revolution are heading to Mania. On last night's Monday Night Raw the IC title bout was finally added to the WrestleMania card, and LI's own Zack Ryder was slotted in as one of the seven participants who will be trying to climb the ladder to pull the WWE's white belt down.
Zack's participation in the match came as a pleasant surprise to many and it didn't take long for reports to surface that he was added as an injury replacement for Neville. Regardless of how Zack was added to the match, he is undoubtedly deserving of the chance to wrestle at Jerry's World on April 3rd.
What the Hoeski singer did back in 2011 and 2012 was one of the most remarkable wrestling stories of this decade. Zack got himself over. He didn't have a wingman (no offense to his best bro Michael Chiappetta), yet Zack still broke through the WWE cockblock to get his. We're a long four years removed from those days but that doesn't mean Zack's not still that same passionate, hardworking, over wrestler sports entertainer that he was back then. Get your fist pumps ready LI, because WrestleMania...is finally...WooWooWooMania. You know it.
-Fitzgerald p.s. Bro...after you win...will you let me try on the belt at Minnesota's this summer??
The NBA was about to start it's transition after the 2002-03 season. It looked obvious that an almost 40 year old Michael Jordan was set to retire for a third and final time. Kobe Bryant was the ultimate face of the league after winning 3 titles in a row from 2000-2002, but was about to rape someone, so he reign to most would be short lived. The league needed a fresh face with no baggage who was willing to accept the responsibility of such an honor. Instead of looking within they looked to a small high school in Akron, Ohio and found LeBron James. The dude was freak athlete that could jump out the gym and owned a smile so bright that it dropped panties daily all over St. Vincent-St. Mary's High School hallways. ESPN would cover just about all of his games. He embarrassed everyone he played against, but he did it in a way that was somewhat charming. We all know the story after that. Cleveland kid gets drafted by the hometown team, playing for a bad franchise, eventually brings a bad team to the NBA Finals in his 4th season. LBJ was the leader of a cast of characters that included Long Island's own Wally Szcerbiak. Love Wally and he's a legend in these parts but a dominate NBA player he was not. LBJ was on another planet and clearly the face of the NBA for the foreseeable future. Then that faithful night the Cavs lost to the Celtics in the '09 playoffs. It's kind of like the NWO music hit when he did this:
This gave everyone in the New York area the biggest boner we've gotten since David Stern rigged the 1985 draft. There was no doubt in our minds that if the kid was going to leave his hometown he was going to come to the big city and save another disastrous franchise. Then "The Decision" came and went and LBJ just became another BJ to me. Dude sucked.
He goes to a hated rival to win a couple championships. At first he was hated, but then some people started to fall for the trap. He seemed to be transitioning again from the heel to the face. I didn't fall for this shit though.
Let me make this clear before I finish up, I love a heel. Love em. The problem with heels like LBJ is that they don't want to be hated. LeBron does everything to be loved, but just fucks it all up. It's the classic early 2000s ARod. Clearly the best at the sport but has zero success with the media.
So, LeBron runs back home to Cleveland after 2 titles in South Beach and proclaims a championship will follow him to the mistake by the lake. His first season ended in another Finals loss for the Cavs and this season seems to be taking the same route. No one likes each other over there. Love hate LeBron, LeBron hated David Blatt, Kyrie hates everyone he just wants $$$.
Now it's almost playoff time and you know what that means: No social media for LeBron! Because he can't take the criticism I guess. But it also has come out that he has unfollowed the Cleveland Cavs on Twitter. Now usually I would care, but because LeBron is so hateable this makes me so happy. So rather then just deleting Twitter from his phone he unfollows people. What??? Typical bitch ass LeBron. And now the media won't ask him about a game that he just played they're going to ask him about who he follows on Twitter. This makes the chosen one unhappy and has the PR department stop the questions.
LeBron being anointed the face of the league turned out to be a bigger mistake then that terrible city he comes from. He might have the thinnest skin any professional athlete has ever had, but keeping doing you LBJ and remember to always #StriveForGreatness
It's not everyday I like to get at a writer much more talented than myself, but what rock is Daily News contributor Michael Levin living under? Michael was recently "reliably told" about amateur home made porn videos on the internet. First things first, stop it bro. "Reliably told?" It's 2016, you're allowed to get your porno viewing on. Secondly, there are a lot of wrongs in this world that need a lot of fixing, but free online porn is not one of those wrongs. The title alone makes me scratch my noggin. Not only is 'free' online porn legitimately free, but the case can also be made that it's saving people money. No need to pay for hookers anymore. No need to hit the strip joint. No need to cheat on a spouse to get that privately desired different flavor, that ultimately ends in divorce costing a buttload of money. Just sit at home, go on those "special websites, called tubes," and have at it. All we're all really looking for is that one release and 'free' online porn allows you to achieve that release while keeping your funds in the bank. Michael gets on the right track when he mentions that people posting their own sex vids must be looking for "likes" and "positive comments". But even more than "likes" and "positive comments", maybe some of the drive by the average chic posting her own action comes from a former home sex tape star turned billionaire. We're living in a world that is, unfortunately, a lot of things Kardashins...so yeah, this can be a very good deal for a woman. Not only do you get rich and famous for your role in the video, but you can get your family rich and famous also. Even a morally responsible person like yourself has to understand some person's desire to get their family a billion dollars, an E! show, and a lifetime supply of rapper/athlete D.
As for how you tell your spouse about your cyberspace forever tattoo? You just fire up the Clique track and tell your spouse you now get to legitimately rap the line "my girl got famous all from a home movie". That's street cred only a few get. I'm not sure how you tell your kids. You got me there. I'm sure we'll see how Kim does it eventually on the E! channel. So stay tuned Michael!
-Fitzgerald A Fleeting Lover (I had to google what fleeting meant)
The Isles are really taking this whole March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb saying after yet another pathetic showing against the surging Flyers last night. The loss is the teams 4th in a row and 6th in the last 7 games. This streak comes after a 4 game winning streak to start the month. The easy place to turn for answers is the goalie as this futility coincides with the news that Jaro Halak is basically done for the season. And yea, Thomas Greiss hasn't been a stud, but what back up plan ever is? You always go out looking for a dime but if she's not available you got to take what you can get, and Greiss is only about a 5 or 6. The Islanders do have a dime though and he's been invisible. JT has been brutal. He's had the worst season of his career and seems to be regressing in the years where he's supposed to be at his best. The Islanders have been strong in one aspect of their game this season and it's killing penalties--aka when the Captain isn't on the ice. The power-play has been as successful as your boy at a Cortland bar party lately and that is not a good percentage. Even though Tavares has no line mates of any relevance because let's be honest, all of the young studs are borderline busts. Strome, Lee, and Nelson have been bad. Obviously Bailey sucks. And let's not get me started on this Shane Prince jabroni. Time for Cappy to get wild and line up JT with KO and Kulemin. Get some size and physicality with the Captain and let them go to work. I believe in you Cappy. Time to prove it to the haters. LET'S GO!
With the Owners Meetings off and running down in Florida, it didn't take long for Woody Johnson to boldly predict a Super Bowl for the Jets! Unfortunately for Fitzy and the rest of Jet Nation, Woody isn't saying that he wants his team to be in the "Big Game", he just thinks that New York should host it again. Don't get me wrong, New York is the greatest city in the world, the whole Super Bowl City thing was cool, and the fact that Manhattan is unfazed by tens of thousands of people flocking to the island for a week long party makes sense to bring it back. But shouldn't Mr. Johnson be focusing on something else right now? *cough* a quarterback *cough* Woody needs to focus on the things that matter. We all know that this must be a tough week of bullshitting, playing golf and answering stupid questions from the media, but the Wood man has to know that the Gang Green faithful care as much about hosting a Super Bowl as people care about hockey. Time to get serious Woody. Enough of the green ties and white hats. Let's get serious. Sign Fitzpatrick and RGIII and rid yourself of that Same Old Jets monicker. -Clay PS Had to scroll down awhile to find a pic of Woody without that NY hat on. Almost as weird as Kraft's obsession with his sneakers, only difference is that Kraft has the rings that make his sneakers look 1000000 times cooler than Woody's hats.
Mr. Kraft revealed today that he's hit the commish up looking for his picks back. Along with asking for his picks back, he also let him know that he's looking to have his handsome QB's four game suspension rescinded. This might sound odd coming from your favorite Jets fan, but I respect the move by BK. We've all been there. You're living under your parents' roof and you've been punished for breaking the rules. Maybe you didn't do your homework. Maybe you got caught smoking grass. Maybe you got in trouble for calling your middle school gym teacher a whore. Whatever it was, it broke the rules set forth by your parents and it resulted in you being punished. So now here you are a year and half later, and you've been on your best behavior. Your homework is done, you've said nope to dope, and you've watched your mouth around your teachers. So you compose a little letter to your parents and you ask for the punishment to be lifted. That's all Bobby and his dope sneaker game are doing here. Cue the Vince McMahon entrance music because it's already being reported that Kraft and the Pats have "no chance" of getting their picks back. But that's not to say that we shouldn't respect the shit out of what Bob Kraft did. I'm as happy as a Masshole with a free beer ball that he's not getting the desired response from the commish, but I can't knock the man for trying. -Fitzgerald
