The Bizarre Face Changes of LBJ

Photo Cred-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HfO3ciY7d0

The NBA was about to start it's transition after the 2002-03 season.  It looked obvious that an almost 40 year old Michael Jordan was set to retire for a third and final time.  Kobe Bryant was the ultimate face of the league after winning 3 titles in a row from 2000-2002, but was about to rape someone, so he reign to most would be short lived.  The league needed a fresh face with no baggage who was willing to accept the responsibility of such an honor.  

Instead of looking within they looked to a small high school in Akron, Ohio and found LeBron James.  The dude was freak athlete that could jump out the gym and owned a smile so bright that it dropped panties daily all over St. Vincent-St. Mary's High School hallways. ESPN would cover just about all of his games.  He embarrassed everyone he played against, but he did it in a way that was somewhat charming.

We all know the story after that.  Cleveland kid gets drafted by the hometown team, playing for a bad franchise, eventually brings a bad team to the NBA Finals in his 4th season.  LBJ was the leader of a cast of characters that included Long Island's own Wally Szcerbiak. Love Wally and he's a legend in these parts but a dominate NBA player he was not.  LBJ was on another planet and clearly the face of the NBA for the foreseeable future.

Then that faithful night the Cavs lost to the Celtics in the '09 playoffs.  It's kind of like the NWO music hit when he did this:

This gave everyone in the New York area the biggest boner we've gotten since David Stern rigged the 1985 draft.  There was no doubt in our minds that if the kid was going to leave his hometown he was going to come to the big city and save another disastrous franchise.  Then "The Decision" came and went and LBJ just became another BJ to me.  Dude sucked.

He goes to a hated rival to win a couple championships.  At first he was hated, but then some people started to fall for the trap.  He seemed to be transitioning again from the heel to the face.  I didn't fall for this shit though.

Let me make this clear before I finish up, I love a heel.  Love em. The problem with heels like LBJ is that they don't want to be hated.  LeBron does everything to be loved, but just fucks it all up.  It's the classic early 2000s ARod.  Clearly the best at the sport but has zero success with the media.

So, LeBron runs back home to Cleveland after 2 titles in South Beach and proclaims a championship will follow him to the mistake by the lake.  His first season ended in another Finals loss for the Cavs and this season seems to be taking the same route.  No one likes each other over there. Love hate LeBron, LeBron hated David Blatt, Kyrie hates everyone he just wants $$$.  

Now it's almost playoff time and you know what that means: No social media for LeBron!  Because he can't take the criticism  I guess.  But it also has come out that he has unfollowed the Cleveland Cavs on Twitter.  Now usually I would care, but because LeBron is so hateable this makes me so happy.  So rather then just deleting Twitter from his phone he unfollows people.  What???  Typical bitch ass LeBron.  And now the media won't ask him about a game that he just played they're going to ask him about who he follows on Twitter.  This makes the chosen one unhappy and has the PR department stop the questions.  

LeBron being anointed the face of the league turned out to be a bigger mistake then that terrible city he comes from.  He might have the thinnest skin any professional athlete has ever had, but keeping doing you LBJ and remember to always #StriveForGreatness

-Clayton

The Offseason - Online Porn Ain't Cost a Thing

Photo Credit - Bleacher Report/BET Filter- NYMWS

NY Daily News - Daily Views - Michael Levin - Are we all paying a price for 'free' online porn?

It's not everyday I like to get at a writer much more talented than myself, but what rock is Daily News contributor Michael Levin living under? Michael was recently "reliably told" about amateur home made porn videos on the internet. First things first, stop it bro. "Reliably told?" It's 2016, you're allowed to get your porno viewing on. Secondly, there are a lot of wrongs in this world that need a lot of fixing, but free online porn is not one of those wrongs. 

The title alone makes me scratch my noggin. Not only is 'free' online porn legitimately free, but the case can also be made that it's saving people money. No need to pay for hookers anymore. No need to hit the strip joint. No need to cheat on a spouse to get that privately desired different flavor, that ultimately ends in divorce costing a buttload of money. Just sit at home, go on those "special websites, called tubes," and have at it. All we're all really looking for is that one release and 'free' online porn allows you to achieve that release while keeping your funds in the bank.  

Michael gets on the right track when he mentions that people posting their own sex vids must be looking for "likes" and "positive comments". But even more than "likes" and "positive comments", maybe some of the drive by the average chic posting her own action comes from a former home sex tape star turned billionaire. We're living in a world that is, unfortunately, a lot of things Kardashins...so yeah, this can be a very good deal for a woman. Not only do you get rich and famous for your role in the video, but you can get your family rich and famous also. Even a morally responsible person like yourself has to understand some person's desire to get their family a billion dollars, an E! show, and a lifetime supply of rapper/athlete D. 

As for how you tell your spouse about your cyberspace forever tattoo? You just fire up the Clique track and tell your spouse you now get to legitimately rap the line "my girl got famous all from a home movie". That's street cred only a few get. I'm not sure how you tell your kids. You got me there. I'm sure we'll see how Kim does it eventually on the E! channel. So stay tuned Michael! 

-Fitzgerald
A Fleeting Lover (I had to google what fleeting meant)

Where In The World Is Captain John Tavares?!?

Photo Cred-http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3667758

The Isles are really taking this whole March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb saying after yet another pathetic showing against the surging Flyers last night.  The loss is the teams 4th in a row and 6th in the last 7 games.  This streak comes after a 4 game winning streak to start the month.

The easy place to turn for answers is the goalie as this futility coincides with the news that Jaro Halak is basically done for the season.  And yea, Thomas Greiss hasn't been a stud, but what back up plan ever is?  You always go out looking for a dime but if she's not available you got to take what you can get, and Greiss is only about a 5 or 6.  The Islanders do have a dime though and he's been invisible.

JT has been brutal.  He's had the worst season of his career and seems to be regressing in the years where he's supposed to be at his best.  The Islanders have been strong in one aspect of their game this season and it's killing penalties--aka when the Captain isn't on the ice.  The power-play has been as successful as your boy at a Cortland bar party lately and that is not a good percentage.  

Even though Tavares has no line mates of any relevance because let's be honest, all of the young studs are borderline busts.  Strome, Lee, and Nelson have been bad.  Obviously Bailey sucks.  And let's not get me started on this Shane Prince jabroni.  

Time for Cappy to get wild and line up JT with KO and Kulemin.  Get some size and physicality with the Captain and let them go to work. I believe in you Cappy.  Time to prove it to the haters.  LET'S GO!

Photo Cred-http://downgoesavery.blogspot.com/p/weekly-gif.html

-Early Morning Clay

Super Bowl or Bust For Jets According To Woody! (Host the Super Bowl That Is)

Photo Cred-http://sportsmasher.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/woody-johnson.jpg

With the Owners Meetings off and running down in Florida, it didn't take long for Woody Johnson to boldly predict a Super Bowl for the Jets!  Unfortunately for Fitzy and the rest of Jet Nation, Woody isn't saying that he wants his team to be in the "Big Game", he just thinks that New York should host it again.

Don't get me wrong, New York is the greatest city in the world, the whole Super Bowl City thing was cool, and the fact that Manhattan is unfazed by tens of thousands of people flocking to the island for a week long party makes sense to bring it back.  But shouldn't Mr. Johnson be focusing on something else right now?  *cough* a quarterback *cough*  

Woody needs to focus on the things that matter.  We all know that this must be a tough week of bullshitting, playing golf and answering stupid questions from the media, but the Wood man has to know that the Gang Green faithful care as much about hosting a Super Bowl as people care about hockey.

Time to get serious Woody.  Enough of the green ties and white hats.  Let's get serious.  Sign Fitzpatrick and RGIII and rid yourself of that Same Old Jets monicker.

-Clay

PS  
Had to scroll down awhile to find a pic of Woody without that NY hat on.  Almost as weird as Kraft's obsession with his sneakers, only difference is that Kraft has the rings that make his sneakers look 1000000 times cooler than Woody's hats.

The Offseason - Can't Knock Kraft

Photo Credit - Bleacher Report/BET Filter- NYMWS

The Washington Post - Mark Masker - Patriots' owner asks Roger Goodell to reinstate first-round pick lost to Deflategate

Mr. Kraft revealed today that he's hit the commish up looking for his picks back. Along with asking for his picks back, he also let him know that he's looking to have his handsome QB's four game suspension rescinded. This might sound odd coming from your favorite Jets fan, but I respect the move by BK. 

We've all been there. You're living under your parents' roof and you've been punished for breaking the rules. Maybe you didn't do your homework. Maybe you got caught smoking grass. Maybe you got in trouble for calling your middle school gym teacher a whore. Whatever it was, it broke the rules set forth by your parents and it resulted in you being punished. So now here you are a year and half later, and you've been on your best behavior. Your homework is done, you've said nope to dope, and you've watched your mouth around your teachers. So you compose a little letter to your parents and you ask for the punishment to be lifted. That's all Bobby and his dope sneaker game are doing here. 

Cue the Vince McMahon entrance music because it's already being reported that Kraft and the Pats have "no chance" of getting their picks back. But that's not to say that we shouldn't respect the shit out of what Bob Kraft did. I'm as happy as a Masshole with a free beer ball that he's not getting the desired response from the commish, but I can't knock the man for trying. 

-Fitzgerald

The Offseason - Thank You Willie

Photo Credit - Bleacher Report/BET Filter- NYMWS

ProFootballTalk - Michael David Smith - Willie Colon: If Fitzpatrick leaves, Geno is ready to start for the Jets

Offensive lineman Willie Colon is considering calling it a career after spending the last three seasons with Gang Green. Injuries aside, the Rutgers alum has been an outstanding Jet. As he rides off into the sunset (or a media gig which he's going to be awesome at), we all owe Willie a big thank you. I appreciate all the great work he did on the field, but what he recently did on ESPN Radio is what we owe him the biggest thank you for. 

Both the Jets and Fitzpatrick are playing hard to get, and Mikey Mac just brought his wingman to the party. Oh hey Ryan you think we need you? Well the same guy who said Geno couldn't satisfy our needs last year thinks a "humbled" Geno is ready to be successful. I'm still in the camp that thinks Ry is the right guy at the right price, so I'm not really ready to consider IK's punching bag as a replacement just yet. But Geno as a dance partner to get Fitzy to our number...I'm all for that. Good lookin' out Willie. 

-Fitzgerald

Coach Pikiell is Leaving the 631 for the Dirty Jerz

ESPN - Jeff Goodman - Rutgers to hire Stony Brook's Steve Pikiell as new coach

It's time to say farewell to the most successful coach in the history of the Seawolves men's basketball program. Multiple sources are reporting that Steve Pikiell is being hired to fill the head coaching vacancy at Rutgers University. 

There is no way any man on this green earth wants to leave the beautiful Suffolk County to live in the Dirty Jerz but we all get why Coach Pikiell has to do it. You can't turn down a move to the Big Ten Conference. The women on Long Island might be much more attractive than the foul mouthed Jersey broads, but the Big Ten is a bonafide dime piece compared to the American East, and the reigning American East champion coach has earned a shot at a dime piece. It doesn't matter that Rutgers basketball sucks major D right now. It doesn't matter that they begged the Hurley brothers to double team them before asking you to marry them. All that matters is that Steve Pikiell is now listed as the current head men's basketball coach of a Big Ten school on wikipedia. 

Congrats Steve. LI will miss you. 

-Fitzgerald

p.s. I'm not sure who the candidates are to replace him at Stony Brook but I'd like to toss my hat in the ring....to coach home games only. 

Politican With Fitzy

Say what you want about Donald's game plan in his campaign to become the Republican candidate, but you can't question the man's game plan to take the sexy AF Megyn Kelly down. The Don's been working this one for a while and it is playing out just how he drew it up. He pulled her hair, he told her she has kudies and now her parents are calling the school complaining that you pantsed her on the playground. Poor Douglas Brunt is sitting at home knowing that this whole "Make America Great" thing is just coy by DJT to break up his happy home. This presidential race might be lined up to be a complete disaster but Trump's race to a bang sesh with the Fox News Channel fox is inching closer to a success story. 

-Fitzgerald