Fitzgerald Finally Stays UNDA

Photo Credit-Patrick E. McCarthy(Newsday) /Filter-NYMWS

I hate playing the under. The idea of rooting for teams not to score points makes me feel really dirty. I try to avoid it all cost. But, when you get Ryan Lindley under center on Sunday Night Football against the crazy good Seattle defense there is no avoiding it. Be ready for a low scoring game in this pivotal NFC West matchup on Football Night in America. 

The 11-3 Cards are bruised, battered and some how in first place still. They're not only without their QB1 and QB2 on the depth chart but they're also hurting in the running game with RB1 Andre Ellington on the IR. Coach Arians made the decision to start Lindley over rookie Logan Thomas but he did say that he may use both quarterbacks. Either way it shouldn't matter because Michael Bennet's favorite meal is quarterback. The fact that Lindley is the starter gives me every reason to believe Mr. 0 touchdowns and 7 interceptions lifetime will get enough action to ensure that this offense stays off the scoreboard. 

Pete Carroll, the Seahawks, and that obnoxious amount of bubble gum he chews are currently riding a four game win streak. During that four game wins steak the Seattle defense has allowed only 27 points total and has sacked the opposing quarterbacks 16 times. This defense is once again Superbowl ready.

Now the best OVA/UNDA plays get participation from both teams and you'll get that here. The Arizona defense are every bit responsible for the success of the team this year and they'll do their best to make this a game by containing Russell, Beast Mode and the Hawks offense. Expect a good old fashion slobberknocker between these two. 

Seahawks 16 - CARDINALS 0 (UNDA 36) 

And oh yeah....since this game is being played on Sunday Night Football...shoutout to Mike Fisher's soon to be baby moms...

Photo credit: thecountryvibe.wordpress.com

-Fitzgerald

Fitz's What About the Dogs? - I'll Miss you Dog

Photo Credit - lehighvalleylive.com / Filter - NYMWS

So I guess this is it. I don't want it to be. I don't think it should be. But it looks like this is it. As the Jets host the Pats this week it looks like Rex Ryan is going to coach his last game at MetLife as the New York Jets Head Coach. 

On December 29, 2008 the Jets fired Coach Eric Mangini after their collapse with the good ol' sexter gun slinger under center. As a die hard Jet fan that season took a toll on me. I remember back in Week 11 of that year we topped the Pats on a Jay Feely overtime field goal on a Thursday Night. It was magical. I partied the night away. I remember going back to some chicks dorm room who was a few pounds overweight but hey I didn't mind because the New York Jets were 8-3 and playoff bound. That broad was a dime piece for the night. Not to mention I had big plans the next day. I was heading up to C-State to see my boy Clay for the Cortaca weekend. All was perfect in the world. Tom Brady was out for the season and this was our year. Following that magical night, in Same Old Jets fashion the Mangenius and the Sexter dropped four of the last five to miss the playoffs. 

I never thought I'd recover from that. But on January 19, 2009 Sexy Rexy accepted the offer to become the next Head Coach of Gang Green. I immediately fell in love. He was fat, he was jolly, he coached a bad ass defense in Baltimore and he didn't come here to kiss Belichick's rings. Less the Superbowl championship, Rex has given me everything I could have hoped for. 

We immediately became relevant. We went to two AFC Championships in his first two years. We had foot-fetishes. We had awesome tats of his wife in a Sanchize jersey. We had middle fingers at UFC events. We had 'Hard Knocks', and of course, we had snack time. Even though we had to deal with "the process", we had a lot of fun with Rexy, both on and off the field.  

Even though Rexy is 4-8(including the 2010 Divisional Round win) against the Pats since taking over as the Jet's head coach, he has done the job defensively against Tom and Bill. The Pats points per game and Brady's total QBR (still not sure what the QBR is) is quite lower than their average against the rest of league while facing the Jets during Rex's tenure. Look for Sexy Rexy to dial up quite the scheme one more time to shock the world. 

As WFAN's song bird Al Duke's sang this morning, it's time to WOAH WOAH WOAH BEAT TOM BRADY. 

Thank you Rex.

JETS 24 (+11) - Patriots 23 

-Fitzgerald

p.s. I hope Gronk gets his in that 23 points I'm predicting that the Pats score. Between cuddling and eating sausage this guy just does interviews and slays the interviewer. Have to respect it. 

p.p.s Since I mentioned Brady...

Photo credit: theplace2.ru/photos/Gisele-Bundchen-md67/pic-69712.html

p.p.p.s Since I mentioned the ol' sexter gun slinger...

Photo credit: thechive.com

FantasyFitz's Championship Minaj A Trois

Photo credit - hitfix.com / Filter - NYMWS

Don't be that league. Don't be that guy. Don't be that guy that plays in that league that plays in Week 17 for the Championship. This is it. This is what we talk shit for all year. This is Championship Week Fantasy Footballers. 

Viagra Play of the Week - Drew Brees (Saints QB)  

(This guy is guaranteed to erect your point total)

Three weeks back on the Break Down the Blog Podcast I questioned Drew Brees as a legitimate fantasy Quarterback starter the rest of the way. Drew had just gone off against the Steelers on the road in a shocker and I was a little hesitant to think he would keep that going for his next three games. I talked Big Ben and Romo as alternative options and I'm here now to tell you to forget about those alternative options.  I'm all in with Drew this week against the Falcons in the Mercedes-Benz Superdome. Berry and COCKcroft at ESPN are spot on with their ranking of Drew at numero uno this week. 

Now listen. After Drew wins you a ship this week, please do NOT follow his lead for the 'Perfect Night out in NOLA' during your celebration. Follow our boy Johnny Football's lead with your celebration...

Photo credit: TMZ.COM

BBW - Eli Manning (Giants QB)

(Blue Balls Warning - This guy will leave you painfully unsatisfied and wanting more)

Ahh shucks, our Week 15 Viagra Play finds his way one section lower in the FantasyFitz Minaj this week. We appreciate what Eli did for us last week but it was one and done. We're not hoping back in bed with him this week. Wish him well, say goodbye, give him cab fair and tell him you'll text him sometime.

Rather than Eli on the road against this stubborn Rams defense consider heading to the scrapheap to pick up the Sanchize or movie star James Flacco. 

Moped Ride of the Week - Fred Jackson (Bills RB)

(This guy will be fun to ride for the week but you're not going to want to brag to your friends about doing it)

Back in early November while Freddie Action Jackson was hurt I picked him up and stashed him on my bench in a league that I was sitting pretty in. When I stashed Freddie, Andre Ellington was my weekly play in the flex spot. As we all know, Ellington went down shortly after and I've been playing flex play musical chairs ever since with Tre Mason, the other Cardinal backs and whatever crafty wideouts I could scoop up off the wire. I haven't considered Freddy for that spot because....

• He's old
• He is recovering from an injury
• Old people don't recover from injuries that well
• He played my NY Jets during that time period 
• He also played the Pack and the Broncos

That all changes this week because...

• He plays the Raiders

And no, I don't care that C.J. Spiller looks to be back. 

Best of luck to all of the NY Morning Wood Sports Fantasy Footballers trying to capture their ship this week. Especially my PIP/Bloggin Brother from another Mother!  

-FantasyFitz 

Fitz's What About the Dogs - On the Hardwood

Photo Credit - lehighvalleylive.com / Filter - NYMWS

We're hitting the hardwood for the first time in NY Morning Wood Sports Blog history. This isn't the first trip for NYMWS Playas to the hardwood because my tag team partner Clayton has been giving the world hardwood gems on the twitter over the past few weeks. If you've been following our lead today you should be on the plus side for the day so you're in a good spot to get crazy and take a risk tonight. So let's get wild and roll with the 5-20 (9-16 ATS) New York Knickerbockers as they host the current beast of the east 17 and 6 (14-9 ATS) Toronto Raptors. 

Melo returned from his one game absence on Friday night as the Knicks finally stopped their 10 game losing skid. We've gotten all that has come with a losing team out of this group this year. Everyone is saying that Fish can't coach. Everyone is throwing shots at Phil in his first stint in the front office. Reports have already leaked of Melo fighting with his teammates and of course the nonsense that he would waive his no trade was written about this week as well. 

Thankfully Melo and his agent disputed the trade talks and said this is where he wants to be. After all the nonsense we went through with the free agency tour this summer it would have been a real kick in the nuts if we were to go ahead and trade Melo. It was bad enough that MSG decided to document the whole tour and then decided to say hey Knick fans we're going to let you watch Melo get wined and dined by other lovers. Seriously, what were the folks at MSG thinking airing that thing. It's like your girlfriend telling you she needs a break to figure things out. We all know that means she wants to go out and see if she can find some better dick, and when she doesn't, don't worry her and the clap she caught during her free agency tour your break are coming back to you. Then after you get her and the clap back, your own television network airs the whole thing so you can watch it. Call me Rachel but I don't care if we were on a break and I found the whole tour offensive. 

What's also offensive is Lowry and the Raptors being 7 point favorites as they visit the Mecca tonight. I get that the Raptors are for real and have made awesome front office moves like finding some fools to give them a 1st round pick for Bargnani, I get that. But you can't tell me that they're beating the Knicks by 7 tonight at the Garden. I don't care how bad that pyscho Rodman thinks the Knicks are. 

KNICKS 98 (+7) - Raptors 97

Play them both ways, +7 and without the points to win outright. 

-Fitzgerald 

p.s. Speaking of Rachel, we have to give a shoutout to Jennifer Anniston. I can't understand for the life of me why she had so much trouble keeping a man. Even at 45 years old, she's still a stone cold fox. Can't teach talent like this. 

Photo credit: http://www.amazon.com/Jennifer-Aniston-reprint-signed-Millers/dp/B00EED4C62
Yes, that picture is actually for sale.

Clay's Dog Upsets An Original 7th Floor Crew Member

Photo Credit - lehighvalleylive.com / Filter - NYMWS

After watching "The U-Part 2" 30 for 30 documentary last night on ESPN I have been kicking myself, the same way I was a couple years ago when part 1 came out, that I didn't go to The U for college.  I mean those guys just know have to have fun.  They get ass, get money and win football games.
One of the biggest revelations for me to come out of last nights film was Miami's 7th Floor Crew.  As a big University of Miami football fan I am embarrassed to say I didn't know about this until last night.  This shit is absolutely hilarious.  It's a bunch of guys from the 2005 team that made a rap about doing extremely sexually dirty things to women.  Take a listen

This is 9 minutes of pure genius.  Well not really, it's fucking awful, but absolutely hilarious.  If you can't take the whole thing because it's so awful, please do yourself a favor and jump to the 6 minute mark where G-Reg takes over.  Yes, G-Reg is the current tight end for the Carolina Panthers and he might be my favorite player in the NFL right now.  His lines are 20 seconds of amazingness.  
Unfortunately for G-Reg and his 3rd leg, his QB got into a crazy car accident this week and he'll have Derek Anderson at the helm rather than Cam Newton.  Yes, Derek Anderson, not Superman.  Thank God Newton survived that horrific looking crash, but he isn't rushing back to the field anytime soon and even though Anderson led the Panthers over the Bucs in Week 1 this season today will be a completely different story.  
Mike Evans has proven to be a beast in the NFL and has transitioned seamlessly from catching Johnny Football's passes to catching the rock from who ever the hell is tossing it down there in Tampa.  Who's even tossing.....IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO'S TOSSING THE ROCK DOWN THERE!  
It's been a tough week for the Panthers and even though Cam will be there to support his squad, he won't be on the field to actually help his team win the game.

Bucs(+3)-26 Panthers-24

-ClayTON

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Clay's Fantasy Minaj to get you to the 'Ship

Photo credit - hitfix.com / Filter - NYMWS

Viagra Play of the Week - Alshon Jeffery (Bears WR)  

(This guy is guaranteed to erect your point total)

I amy not be the smartest guy out there but I can certainly do simple math and this equation is pretty simple-No Brandon Marshall + An awful Saints defense + A pissed off Jay Cutler, who's out to prove something + A primetime home game = Alshon Jeffery single handily wins your fantasy football game.  Basically, the Saints are awful and it's supposed to rain a little bit tomorrow night in Chicago so good luck trying to keep up with one of the biggest most athletic WR in the game today.

BBW - T.Y. Hilton (Colts WR)

(Blue Balls Warning - This guy will leave you painfully unsatisfied and wanting more)  

T.Y. has made a living by absolutely torching the Texans every time he plays them, including a 30 point out burst earlier this season in Houston, but today will be different.  The Texans have a huge chip on their shoulder and believe that they can beat anybody anywhere.  The only problem is that they've never beat the Colts in Lucas Oil Stadium.  They know that the way to beat the Colts is to get after Andrew Luck and kick his ass like the Browns did last week.  Unfortunately for Cleveland, they let up a little bit in the 4th quarter and gave up a few big plays.  This will not be the case this week.  JJ Watt and Co. will hold it down and make sure Andrew Luck has the worst game of his young career as they sneak out of Indy with the W and T.Y. sneaks out with just a couple of fantasy points.

Moped Ride of the Week - Justin Forsett (Ravens RB)

(This guy will be fun to ride for the week but you're not going to want to brag to your friends about doing it) 

The Ravens RB situation has been a revolving door all season.  It's been up and down like an elevator in Atlantic City, but it looks like they've finally got something in the crafty vet Justin Forsett(hey, it rhymes!).  Forsett has one of the best match ups this week against a Jacksonville defense that is ranked 27th against the run in fantasy.  The Jags have also given up at least 24 points to RB's in 4 of their last 5 games.  The Ravens at home will romp the Jaguars, expect at least 20 carries, 120 yards, and 2 TDs out of Forsett.

-Clay

Tweet at me bitch

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Email me (sluts only please)

PS
ESPN allowing our Fantasy cover girl to host SportsCenter with Kenny Mayne??  She's sexy, tits hanging out and everything, but as a whole it was extremely awkward and so ESPN

Clay Loves Olivia Munn and the UNDA

Photo Credit-Patrick E. McCarthy(Newsday) /Filter-NYMWS

NYMWS has been all over it since day 1.  We're hip, we're cool, and we're men.  When we see something we like we let the people know because that's was we do.  
Since day 1 Fitzy and I have been all over one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL, Aaron Rodgers, and his sexy ass woman Olivia Munn.  We broke down the fact that A-Rod got his woman a "special ring" and that Rodgers is 30 and Munn is 33, so my man loves the older women.  NYMWS has shoved countless amounts of pictures and gifs of the beautiful Olivia, with and without her man.  Why?  Again, because we're here for the people.  We want all of you out there to see how absolutely stunning Olivia Munn is and the fact that a top NFL QB can pull just about any ass they want.  
Not only are our picks that win you straight cash homey free, but so are our life lessons that we give you: Life lesson #1-Become a top NFL QB, not just for the money, but for the ladies.
I digress.
What I'm getting at here is that NYMWS doesn't follow the herd.  We aren't sheep, like ESPN and a lot of the main stream media out there.  Unfortunately the main stream media gets the exclusive access with celebrities like Olivia Munn that Fitzgerald and I can't get.  Yet.
On the fortunate side, this week was the week of Munn.  Olivia made a steamy appearance on "The Late Show with David Letterman"

Big fan of Letterman, guy's a comedic genius, but I mean come on you gotta know her name.  Olivia you can wear that high slit skirt on our show whenever you want and we'll always get your name correct.
Next Ms. Munn dished about her sex life with Mr. Discount Double Check on "Watch What Happens Live" with Andy Cohen.  So no sex on game day, but I mean she's only been with him for 13 game days.  I'm not too worried about it and neither should any of you.  She clearly loves having sex with her convictions of "I try to have sex whenever I can", so I am not too worried about A-Rod's sex life.  And I mean if he smashes during the week and just focuses on football Saturday and Sunday, who cares??
But again, I digress.
Today's Packers Bills game is going to be a good one, but just not as good as everyone thinks it's going to be.  First of all Green Bay is going to win the game.  Enough of this Buffalo is going to win straight up crap.  I do think that the Bills defense is superb, but they haven't met an offense like A-Rod's yet this year.  They will do well today, but not enough to win the game.
Kyle Orton sucks and will not be able to put up much, even against this sub-par Packers defensive unit.  'The Ralph' will be loud and jacked up with those fat ugly women making noise, but unfortunately for them, once again they'll be going home unsatisfied as Rodgers gets to go home to the beautiful Olivia Munn.  He just won't be able to put up the points he's used to putting up....

Packers-28 Bills-13  UNDA 50

-Clay

Tweet at me bitch

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Email me (sluts only please)

PS
A little details about the actual game-The weather is going to be great, clear and 40 degrees, so no issues there.  The Bills have gone UNDA in 11 of their 13 games.  The Packers are coming off of a short week, their only one of the season, should be interesting to see how they respond in an extreme environment.

PPS
DID YOU SEE OLIVIA MUNN'S LEGS?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Photo Credit-refinedguy.com

Fitz Lay's the Wood in the East

Photo Credit-Zimbio/Filter-NYMWS

Tom Brady and Ryan Tannehill have two of the hottest wives in the league. Tom's wife was famous before she became Tom's wife because she's a world class supermodel and Ryan's wife is famous because Ryan starts at Quarterback in the NFL and she is hot as f*ck. So let's do the smart thing this week and lay the wood with the guy who's wife is famous not because he's in the NFL. 

TB and the Pats are at home this week looking for revenge against the Miami Dolphins who opened up a can of whoop ass on them back in week 1. While the Fish have had an impressive win here or there this year they are definitely in way over their head in this one. This isn't the team they knocked off in week 1. This is team that stopped the Pack in the 2nd half of their matchup in week 13 and the team that went out west and got all in that ass against the Chargers in week 14. This New England Patriots team is two touchdowns better than the Dolphins are. 

We're a long way from that early season Pats team that got their butts whooped by the Chiefs earlier in the season. This Pat's team is ready to lock up the AFC East and that is just what they're going to do this week at home. 

PATRIOTS 34 (-8) - Dolphins 20

-Fitzgerald

p.s. since we mentioned them....

http://www.thedishh.com/no-other-model-comes-close-gisele-bundchen-is-so

http://nationalskirtday.com/2012/08/13/nsd-approved-lauren-tannehill/ifwt-lauren-tannehill-3/