Another week of NYMWS is in the books and the NYMWS TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS OF THE WORLDDDDDD got together to #breakdowntheblog on Episode Deuce of the NYMWS Break Down the Blog Podcast.
The undefeated New York Jets travel into Lucas Oil as disrespected dogs tonight to battle the Andrew Luck led Colts. Now look readers, we're big Drew guys here at NY Morning Wood Sports. You can find a buttload of minor league level posts on this site where my partner and myself are waxing poetic about the next big thing. Which is why for a second I thought this touchdown number the bookmakers put out there was justified. But then, being the deep digging wagerer/journalist that I am, I dug a little deeper. First thing I dug past, which the bookmakers did as well, was the records. Obviously, our beloved Gang Green comes into tonight's game sporting the better record. Rex was making some noise up in Western New York and he definitely has a bad ass defense, but few had our ex-footloving-coach topping the Colts with his new mates. The Browns, well they suck, so I get that the Jets aren't getting any credit for last week's victory when it comes to the number. I saw all that, like the bookmakers, so I dug for more. Again folks, Fitzy is a deep digging wagerer/journalist. After digging past week one, I found the off-season. I time traveled quite a bit (similar to the future Mrs. Fitzy does after a few too many Montauk Summers) and I remember what was going through Fitzy's mind in the off-season when tonight's heel, the Indianapolis Colts thought they were making moves to improve the supporting cast of Mr. Luck. Spring/Summer Fitzy thought they didn't, and post week one Fitzy still thinks they didn't. The U duo of Gore and Johnson doesn't get Fitzy's wood tingling. I'm not into these older players...which is odd...because I'm into older women...like the beautiful future Mrs. Fitzy (2nd Shoutout..sorry about that..trying to put Fitzy in the best position to score tonight if her fantasy squad doesn't pull through). I guess what I'm getting at is, we won this one in the offseason. Sure Luck is way better than his fellow brainiac counterpart under center for Gang Green, but Mikey Mac out offseasoned the shit out Ry Guy Grigson with his moves. Look for our offseason moves (Revis Island, Busta Bust, Gilchrist, B Marsh and Ryan Fitzy) to show the world why Luck and Co aren't a TD better than us tonight on Monday Night Football Fitzy. #thankyoumikeymac
Jets (+6.5) 24 – Colts 23 This number is moving up and down like strippers booties go. If you're taking the points, don't be a jabroni. Buy the thing to the touchdown.
(This guy is guaranteed to erect your point total)
I LOVE daaaaa Rrrrrraaaiders, but maybe I jumped the gun a bit on them being successful this season. I will not give up on that dream, BUT I kinda think that I overrated the Oakland defense. Especially that passing D. The Ravens are set to travel cross country to visit the black hole and Flacco is looking to bounce back after a weak performance last week in Denver. What better way to bounce back than against a team that Flacco put up 55 on in their 2012 meeting. Furthermore, the Raiders only beat the Ravens ONCE in their history back in 2003. That's even before Flacco was in Delaware slaying those little blue hen asses. Flacco is a must start in all leagues.
BBW - Calvin Johnson (Lions WR)
(Blue Balls Warning - This guy will leave you painfully unsatisfied and wanting more)
I just heard Michael Irvin say that Megatron is going to get over 200 yards today, so maybe I'm in trouble....Naaaaaaa I'm good. Clearly 'The Playmaker' doesn't play fantasy football and has not been watching CJ's numbers decline year after year after I pulled off the biggest heist in the world for him back in 2010 (some bozo took Peyton Hillis off my hands for Megatron). Stafford is due for a big game, but for the first time in awhile Johnson will not be the guy that gets him out of the slump. Sit Megatron as he will not see the end zone again this week.
Moped Ride of the Week - Danny Woodhead (Chargers RB)
(This guy will be fun to ride for the week but you're not going to want to brag to your friends about doing it)
I'm not too sure how long I could get away with taking Mr. Woodhead as a #moped, but I'm taking advantage of the opportunity this week. Chargers have a tough 1pm EST this week in Cincinnati, but I don't care. I hate the Bengals and everything they stand for. It absolutely sucks that Jeremy Hill is stuck on that mediocre team who seems to never win a big game ever, but maybe they will once they part ways with their sub par coach and quarterback. But anyways, I digress. The Bengals defense is usually a strength of theirs, but they seem to have taken a step back this year even though Pacman is still a scumbag. In the words of Jay Mohr "Give da ball to Danny Woodhead! Woody Woodhead aaaaaahhhhhaaaaaaaa". Woodhead for the win. Good luck today! All the love! P.S. The jabroni I got Megatron from that year ended up winning the league. God, I fucking hate fantasy football.
Photo Credit-Patrick E. McCarthy(Newsday) /Filter-NYMWS
Big day today. One of the biggest and always one of the most anticipated for a guy like myself who is heading into a 5th year of being a New York Giants season ticket holder. Big Blue opens the season at home today, but just like that salsa dancing motha fucka, I too will not be present at Giants Stadium. I already miss the smell of the swamps of Jersey mixed with BBQ sauce, shit gets me moist just thinking about it. Unfortunately my maybe viral maybe bacterial stomach issue finds me on the IR for the second straight week with a probable return for a little Thursday Night Football, but that's still TBD.
I know my presence in the lot before the game will be missed just as much as Cruz's will be on the field today, but this does not werry me enough to think that there won't be plenty of points in this offense first match up.
Both of these defenses are not good. They completely overachieved last week and you will not see that same thing this week. I said it from the start of the season, Matty Ice looks like he's out to prove something and the fact that he's got his numba 1 guy in Julio Jones, back in the fold, they are a team to be reckoned with. Check that they are an offense to be reckoned with. There's only so much a coach can do and yes Dan Quinn is a solid defensive coach, but the guy just doesn't have enough personnel to slow down the likes of an OBJ.
Eli is poised to bounce back after last weeks biggest bonehead decision ever. That's the beauty of my QB, the guy has a short memory as they say. Eli woke up this morning saw that Ole Miss pulled the ole rope a dope over Alabama and yelled:
Listen I don't know exactly what this means, but I'm pretty sure it translates to, the Giants are ready to turn the page and put up some fucking points today at home against a team they ALWAYS beat at home.
Now it's starting to get crazy. I'm hearing the doubters starting to whisper out there "Clay are you nuts?? The Lions suck on the road! You gotta stop with the road teams you're losing your marbles!" I get it. It's hard to decipher. It makes no sense. But ya know what sometimes its the things that boggle your mind that turn out to be the best decisions you've ever made. Think of it like a broad. You're out enjoying a nice night with the boys and you see a smokin' hot chick sitting with a couple of mutants so you figure you got this no problem. You might be an average looking dude who's in a slump with a below average size cock, but you say to your self, "Shit, I can give this gal something she can't get with those friends she's with right now so suck it up and go for it!" Right off the bat the girl is acting stupid and playing hard to get but once she realizes you're her way to get the D for the night she folds and gives it up. This week the Lions are the smokin' hot bar woman and the gross friends are the Vikings. It's not going to be easy for the Lions to sneak past Minnesota, but once they realize how much better they are then them it'll show. I mean Matthew Stafford isn't a fat fuck anymore and the dude just got married, so you know his getting that Putin on the regular (at least for the next couple months). I get that Adrian Peterson isn't going to be shut out of every game like he was last week, I get that. But I'm not sold on Teddy B yet. Dude came in with a shit load of hype this year and laid an egg last week against a below average 49ers team. Look for the Lions defense to get after it this week in that weird college stadium over there in Minnesota. Lions(+2)-35 Vikings-20
As the old adage goes: if it ain't broke, don't fix it! And I am sticking to my guns in week number 2, as I once again will confidently go into Washington and pick against those racist bastards. The Rams are flying high after an impressive win over the all mighty virgin and the Superbowl losing Seahawks last week, and find themselves field goal favorites coming into the nation's capital. St. Louis was impressive last week and should be getting some help to spark their offense with the possible NFL debut of collegiate stand out Todd Gurley, in addition to Tre Mason and Brian Quick. The Rams offense has the possibility of being explosive, something the defense already is. This Jeff Fisher style defense is one of the nastiest in the NFL and should cause Washington similar issues that they encountered last week with the Dolphins. The Hogs were shutout in the second half and only mustered 10 total points with Captain Kirk Cousins under center. Desean Jackson checked out of last week shortly into the tilt with a "tight hamstring", an "injury" that will keep him out this week as well. So who's Cousin's tossin' the rock to out there?? Pierre Garçon? Dude hasn't been good since 2010. The fact of the matter is that Washington is 2-7 at home ATS dating back to the start of the 2014 season and with a young, hungry, and talented squad coming to town, those fat pigs down there will see the same old story.
Rams-27(-3) Hogs-16
P.S. Since I fucked up last week and dropped the ball for all of my beloved NYMWSers I wanted to give everyone another team to lay some wood on. As I woke this morning to take yet another shit, oh yes the shits are still not over, I got word from Schefter that Alshon Jeffery is out today. Jeffery is the Bears biggest and most talented receiving option, so with his absence, the stout Cardinals defense can focus more on Matt Forte who blew his load last week all over the Packers. The Bears are weak this year and the Cards look strong, especially with Carson Palmer back healthy. That's an easy formula for me and it should be for you also! Again, just like I said last week, don't be afraid to take these road favorites today. I mean you want to win money don't you? Cardinals-33(-1.5) Bears-28
Sometimes it's this easy for us #woodlayas. As all of you know, (since you listened to that awkward Break Down the Blog Podcast that didn't even break down a blog) my regular season win total #OVA is the Steelers and my regular season win total #UNDA is the 49ers. No need to worry folks, one win for the 49ers and one loss for the Steelers doesn't have Fitzy worried about his season long investment in either teams win loss totals. Things will right themselves this week in the Steel City and the book is allowing us to get involved in the things righting themselves process for less than a touchdown. This Eric Mangenius 49ers defense is not 3 points allowed good. Big Ben, Antonio and Co will expose this unit tomorrow by hanging a 30 spot on them. It's been a long layoff for the Black and Yellow after their opening night loss to the Pats and look for this well rested group to bounce back as the west coast Niners travel east for the 1:00 clock affair.
Viagra Play of the Week - Carson Palmer (Cardinals QB)
(This guy is guaranteed to erect your point total)
You can call me Pope Fitzy when it comes to the Fantasy Football Wait on Quarterback Religion. While the Pope might get all the street cred and pootang pie for the successfulness of the religion, it's really the guys like former Heisman Trophy winner Carson Palmer who make it all possible. Look for CP to find his roomie John Brown, my namesake Larry Fitzy and maybe even CJ (I'll pass on the K) for some scores out in the Windy City. Top 5 QB play for Pope Fitzy this week. Well worth the $6,700 price tag on Draft Kings.
BBW - Rashad Jennings (Giants RB)
(Blue Balls Warning - This guy will leave you painfully unsatisfied and wanting more)
I hate them. I hate these darn RBCs. I get that the RBC is useful in the league where they play..........for pay, but the RBC has left many of us fantasy footballers with...well...blue balls. Look for that to continue at Gang Green's Stadium this week. Big Blue has a true running back by committee situation going on out here in New Yorkkkk (Alicia Key's voice) and it's not pretty for you Rashad owners. You can find better at equal to or less than his 5K Draft King salary.
Moped Ride of the Week - Duke Johnson (Browns RB)
(This guy will be fun to ride for the week but you're not going to want to brag to your friends about doing it)
I gave the Duke a shoutout in last week's #LaytheWood blog and I think he shows ya'll why Fitzy tossed his name out there. Sure he is sort of involved in that dreadful RBC thing mentioned above with the Crow, but young play makers can usually find a way to help your lineup through the RBC cock block. Look for DJ to have a coming out party and a long score against the poet's defense in his home opener this week. Imagine the victory party in Cleveland Sunday night with the U's very own Duke Johnson and Johnny Football leading the Brown's to victory.
Photo credit: TMZ.COM
p.s. With Johnson's $3,400 Draft Kings price you'll be able to throw one heck of a party with the rest of your lineup this week.
