FantasyFitz's New York Playoff Minaj A Trois

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While our New York Football teams aren't making the real playoffs, some of the players that put the pads on for the G-Men and Gang Green will still be relevant for many in the Fantasy Football Playoffs. Here's a trio of NY Footballers for all of you Fantasy Footballers to think about before setting your lineups this week....

Viagra Play of the Week - Eli Manning (Giants QB)  

(This guy is guaranteed to erect your point total)

Ahhh shucks Fitzy I'm starting Eli in my fantasy playoffs would be the norm. But this week isn't the norm because Mr. ELIte will be under center against the dreadful Washington Redskins in Week 15. As  the TMR pointed out in this week's Love-Hate, Eli had 5 total TDs against this dreadful group B.OBJ. (Before Odell Beckham Jr.). Look for the starting quarterback of Fafa Fooey's squad to put up top 5 numbers for your squad this week. 

BBW - Rashad Jennings (Giants RB)

(Blue Balls Warning - This guy will leave you painfully unsatisfied and wanting more)  

As I'm writing this my PIP/Bloggin Brotha from another Motha CLAY-to-the-TON has our boy penciled in to start in his RB/WR spot so I hate doing this. I just don't feel comfortable starting Rashad this week. I have no idea what's going on with this ailing ankle. One minute Coach Coughlin says he's good to go and the next minute I'm hearing the fantasy cuss word "timeshare" being thrown around. All I'm saying is STAY AWAY! There is no reason for the GMEN to give Rashad enough work to be fantasy relevant this week. They're playing for nothing, the Redskins stink, Eli is going to go off and Andre Williams can handle the ground work this week.

Moped Ride of the Week - Chris Johnson (Jets RB)

(This guy will be fun to ride for the week but you're not going to want to brag to your friends about doing it) 

Geno Smith will once again keep the seat warm for the Heisman Trophy Winner or some free agent Quarterback as Gang Green's signal caller this week and that means it's 'ground and pound' time out in the Country Music Capital this week. 'Ground and pound' time means New York Jets running backs will be busy this week and expect Mr. CJnowherenear1K to be the busiest. Sexy Rexy is going to do the right thing and let Chris Johnson throw the revenge banger against his ex-lover in one of Fitz's favorite cities. Shoutout to all the hot country broads in Nashville. 

-FantasyFitz

p.s. Glad to hear Baba Booey is better at fantasy than he his at tossing first pitches...

p.p.s This is my closest connection between Nashville and New York...

Clay Lays The Wood on Redemtion Monday

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As I explained to my main man to my right last week, when you lay the wood you gotta go hard or go home.  I wanted to give you folks the Pats last night and some may say that being a 4 point favorite on the road, on the west coat nonetheless, is "enough wood for me", but not for me.  I like big fucking wood.

You know who else likes big wood?  The original sexter himself, Brett Favre.  Been a tough couple of years for Favre from Sterger ratting him out, to getting booed at Lambeau, to finding out that he wasn't the first or even the second choice to star in "There's Something About Mary".  Tough life.  Shit's about to turn around for the Wrangler jean wearing, lumberjack shirt rocking, gunslinga himself, as he gets welcomed back in Green Bay tonight.

There is zero percent chance these Wisconsin weirdos boo Favre again.  They will be going nuts tonight.  He may be there to support a Bart Starr ceremony, but lets be honest, Brett Favre will be the main attraction.  The fact of the matter is the mans presence will warm up the hometown crowd tonight for what should be an absolute beat down over the Falcons, the team that drafted Favre. 

Everyone knows my thoughts on both Rodgers and Ryan, but if not let me refresh your memories: Rodgers is the man and Ryan is a choke artist.  For some reason the NFL is going to allow one of those pathetic NFC South teams to make the playoffs this season, and it looks like the Falcons just may be that team since they haven't lost in their division yet.  The only problem for the Falcons is that they only beat one team outside of their division this season.

The Falcons have only covered 1 road game this season and that was against the worst team currently in the NFL in the Bucs.  Contrastly, the Packers are 5-0-1 at home this season and have looked unstoppable when they play in prime time(minus opening night in Seattle).

This is not going to be like Mike Vick went into Lambeau Wild Card weekend in 2002 and served up Favre's first loss when the temperature dipped below 32 degrees.  Today's Falcons are not that talented and today's Packers are much more talented.  Look for the cheese heads to smack the weak Falcons team all over Lambeau tonight in front of their old friend.  I think Rodgers will want to show Brett whats up and show him why they booted his old ass outta Green Bay. 

 

 

Packers-42 Falcons-16 (Packers -13)

-Clay

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PS

I am trying to figure out if Favre messed up anything more than Jenn Sterger in his life???  The guys an idiot.  I mean first of all he's married and second of all sending dick pics??  Good quarterback, stupid son of a bitch though.  I'm glad Sterger is doing her thing as a stand up comic.  She's pretty funny and oh yea she's REALLY sexy

Photo Credit-The Orlando Sentinel

 

PPS
Can someone text me updates of the game?  I'll be "looking at the tree" tonight.  No this is not a weed reference.  All true New Yorkers will understand what I mean.  It's basically a prerequisite to being in a relationship in the NY area.  Ya gotta do what ya gotta do.



The Real Fitzy Goes OVA out West

Photo Credit-Patrick E. McCarthy(Newsday) /Filter-NYMWS

Carrie Underwood isn't the only one giving everyone a rise in their levis on Sunday Nights lately. Turns out after a quick trip down NYMWS memory lane, I realized that I'm the CM PUNK of Sunday Night Football plays. Yours truly is 4-0 lifetime for NYMWS on Sunday Nights. 

This Sunday Night our favorite Window Throwa Phil Rivers plays host to Tom Brady and the New England Patriots. As my tag team partner Clay mentioned on the most recent Break Down the Blog Podcast, the Window Throwa kills it in December. At 30-6 in the final month of the season the Chargers have proved to be a FINISHA in past regular seasons. 

As 4 point home-dogs it's very possible that if the Chargers had anyone else besides Brady coming to San Diego tonight the title of this column would be "WHAT ABOUT THE DOGS?". Tom, Coach Belichick and the Patriots come west tonight with their 9-3 record after losing Superbowl 48.5 to Mr. Munn and the Cheeseheads at Lambeau last week.  Like Rivers, Brady is also very good in December, sporting a 45-7 record. 

With two of the league and December's best on Primetime tonight, expect both of the guys to produce a high scoring affair with their high potent offenses. 

Patrios 33 - CHARGERS 27 (OVA 53) 

-Fitzgerald 

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p.s. These guys score a ton off the field too. Rivers has as many kids as he does December wins and you know our girl Gisele makes Tom give it to her at least twice a night before his 8:30 PM bedtime. Gisele you ol' sailor you....

Photo credit: www.zimbio.com 

Uhhhhh OVA in 'Zona

Photo Credit-Patrick E. McCarthy(Newsday) /Filter-NYMWS

In the unknown world that is the NFL, there is one thing that we all know: Jamaal Charles scores touchdowns.  I don't care where he plays, when he plays he scores.  Today will be no different even though the Chiefs are playing in a very difficult place to score points in Arizona.  

The Cardinals defense is fierce and the crowd will be a factor, but that's why Fat Andy will take the ball out of the Game Manager's-Alex Smith-hands and just feed Jamaal.  Feed Me More.  Feed Me More.  I can just hear him now.  

The other factor is that both defenses in this match up have the knack for scoring points themselves.  If Alex Smith is stupid enough to try and test the Arizona secondary he's going to have PP, the Honey Badger, and the father of 12 all over the ball as they're all "ball hawks", ok?  And when da honey badger's da honey badger, he's Rod Woodson, ok?

Look out for a couple of defensive scores out of Arizona because God knows their offense sucks.  But there will be points, oh yes, there will be points.

Chiefs-27 Cardinals-20 Ova 41

-Clay

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Clay's Freaky Week 14 Minaj A Trois

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Viagra Play of the Week - Eddie Lacy (Packers RB)  

(This guy is guaranteed to erect your point total)

There is a HUGE difference between the Packers and Cardinals.  We can start with the QB's.  I mean the Cards start a guy that the J-E-T-S cut for the SEC network front man, Tim Tebow, while the Pack runs out Mr. Munn.  That shit isn't even close.  That's why picking on the Falcons defense with the Cardinals last week was a mistake by me.  My bad.  But I'm right back at it this week, but instead of telling you to roll a guy who hasn't gotten 100 yards all year, I'm giving you a sure fire slam dunk start.  Lacy has gotten over 20 carries in his last 2 games and with the HUGE lead the Packers will have after the 1st quarter, expect another 20+ carries for this beast.  He'll score at least a couple of TDs against one of the worst running defenses in the game as well.

And since we brought her up.....

Photo Credit-doodlesports.com

BBW - Ryan Fitzpatrick (Texans QB)

(Blue Balls Warning - This guy will leave you painfully unsatisfied and wanting more)

Enough of this guy.  I mean yea sure his kid is cute and smart and everything, but he is not good.  He lit up a bad team last week basically because JJ Watt went off like he always does.  Last week this fake Fitzy tossed the rock a million times to DeAndre Hopkins and got him a millions points that absolutely crushed me.  I get that the Texans are playing a bad Jags team, I get that, but we all saw last week that the Jags get after the QB and I see that happening again this week.  The fake Fitz will not be able to respond the the pressure and will lose the ball a couple of times just like Eli.  Then hopefully he'll shave that stupid ass beard and realize that he is probably the biggest tool in the league.  (Lets just hope they don't put JJ on offense again because if they do Fitzpatrick may throw another 6 TDs.  Fuck.)

Moped Ride of the Week - Jarvis Landry (Dolphins WR)

(This guy will be fun to ride for the week but you're not going to want to brag to your friends about doing it)

The fact that this guy was on the other side of OBJ in college makes me wonder how LSU ever lost a game?  I mean just throw the ball up to these guys and you win the game, am I right?  Landry has come out of no where recently and has made Mr. Tannehill look even sexier then he already is(football wise).  Landry's hands are fucking enormous and you no what that means?  Yea, huge dick, but it also means he can catch anything that gets thrown his way.  We all saw last week when da window throwa threw all over this Ravens D and now with that pill popping Haloti Ngata suspended for the rest of the year Tannehill will have all the time in the world to find his besties.  For selfish reasons I hope he finds Mike Wallace more, but I'm here to do what's best for business and what's best for business is to give everyone the right play.  Adjust your lineups.  RIGHT NOW.

-Clay

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Fitz's What About the Dogs?

Photo Credit - lehighvalleylive.com / Filter - NYMWS

I don't know what he was thinking when he hoped on that motor bike. I don't know what happened in Lake Tahoe. I don't know what happened  Milledgeville, Georgia. I don't know if he really pulled out his junk and urinated on the golf course with some ladies in sight. I just don't know. But what I do know is that I love the 11th overall pick in the famed 2004 Quarterback draft (shoutout to the Window Throwa and Mr. ELIte) as a dog on the road this week against this blogger's favorite tag team to bet against, The Red Rifle and Coach Marvin. 

Ben and the Steelers have been awful on the road this season and are a tough to take 0-3 ATS (1-2 overall) in their last three games. Included in things going against them, the Steelers come into this one nicked up as they'll be without #99 Wayne Gretzky Brett Keisel on the defensive line. 

Andy and the Bengals have seemed to bounce back from their week 7 stinker which had them on the verge of ruining a great 3-0 start to the season. They've won 5 of their last 6, and sit a top the AFC North with an 8-3-1 record. The bad news for them is that they play 3 of their last 4 (including this one) against divisional foes. Two of those are against the Steelers, making this first meeting a very big spot for both teams. 

In a very big spot, I've seen Big Ben and Coach Tomlin win games. In a very big spot, I've seen the Red Rifle and Coach Marvin lose games. Look for that trend to continue this week as the Steelers save their season on the road. 

Steelers (-3) 27 - BENGALS 20 

-Fitzgerald

FantasyFitz's Week 14 Minaj A Trois

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Viagra Play of the Week - LeSean McCoy (Eagles RB)  

(This guy is guaranteed to erect your point total)

If you're reading this saying to yourself..."No shit Fitzgerald. Shady is a top 10 back, who's received 20 plus carriers in 7 of the last 8 and there is no chance Chip let's the Sanchize toss the rock in the redzone against Sherm and the LOB."..then kudos on agreeing with Fitzgerald's thought process. If you're a Shady owner that is saying to yourself...."I don't know Fitzgerald. Shady started off so Shady and playing anybody against the Seahawks is so Shady and maybe I should just put  Stedman Bailey in the flex over him (that one's for you future El Cunado)."...then stop your thoughts right now and go with the Fitzgerald thought process explained above.

Photo credit: memegenerator.net

BBW - Trent Richardson (Colts RB)

(Blue Balls Warning - This guy will leave you painfully unsatisfied and wanting more)

This is another one that seems obvious but T-Rich seems to be trying to convince people otherwise. No Trent, you're not going to jump into the Dawg Pound. No Trent, you're not the same guy that the Browns drafted 3rd overall. Trent, no disrespect bro, but just stop. There is no shot you throw a revenge banger in Cleveland on Sunday. In what is either the last week of your regular season or the first round of your playoffs, there is no way you can trust this guy in your lineup. 

Moped Ride of the Week - Chris Ivory (Jets RB)

(This guy will be fun to ride for the week but you're not going to want to brag to your friends about doing it)

Roc Nation client Geno Smith is back under center in what Sexy Rexy has called a "Jet Decision". If you ask me, it sounds more like a "Same Old Jet Decision". But what do I know? Oh wait, I know that Sexy Rexy ran it 10,0000 times last week with Geno back under center. Look for gang green to run in 10,000 times again and Ivory should get at least 5,000 of those carries so he should be able to get you somewhere in the 13 to 16 fantasy point range. Totally rad flex play. 

-FantasyFitz

p.s. Happy Birthday Hov! 

Break Down the Blog Episode 4 / Check the Scoreboard

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Another week of NYMWS is in the books and the NYMWS TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS OF THE WORLDDDDDD got together to #breakdowntheblog on Episode 4 of the NYMWS Break Down the Blog Podcast.

NYMWS BREAK DOWN THE BLOG EPISODE 4

CHECK.THE.SCOREBOAD

NYMWS Episode 4 Scoreboard 

Fitz's Ws: Lay the (SKETCHY) Wood, Viagra POW

Fitz's Ls: Moped Ride, BBW

Clay's Ws: Viagra POW, BBW

Clay's Ls: What About the Dogs?, Moped Ride

Fitz: Wagers 1-0, Fantasy 1-2

Clay: Wagers 0-2, Fantasy 2-1

(Clay wins the Fantasy #Head2Head)

NYMWS Lifetime Wagers Overall:

Fitz: 5-2

Clay: 3-8

NYMWS Lifetime Fantasy Overall:

Fitz: 6-6

Clay: 5-4

(Clay leads the new Fantasy #Head2Head 1-0 over Fitz)

Thank you to all of our readers, listeners, followers and likers for another great week! 

-CLAY & FITZY